And yet again, we flirt with Viz Comic's copyrights to leech ideas to
prolong this excuse of an ascii comic strip! This time, we go PAAARP! and
give it up for the...
.__ ,_
| _ ._ _._ . .__ ._ | ) ._ _._ . ._
|- /_\ |_) | | | ) / |\ /\ |_) /\ | | /
| | | | \ | | | | \_\ | \ \/ |_) \/ | | \._
,__ ,__ __
|[]| |[]| || |' |
||-'.__ ||-' |' _|| .__ |.
|| |[]| || || |[]| |[]| ||
'' --' '' -- --' --' ----
___--__-_ _ __ _.;..;._
/ \ / __ __ \ _---___---__---__--__---__-
|Well I made it \_ )<@.||.@>: _/ So they put me back _/
|back from Nigeria \ Oo / \_ together again, so /
|Boy how stupid _/ ('<__>') \ I'm alright, but with \_
|I felt there!* / _ '-\__/-' _ \just one little problem! \
\_ _ _ _____ __/ /--X / \ X--\ ---____------_____---_____\
\ \ / /
(*) See last [], || ,[]
episode! []| '' |[]
[]'~~~[]~~~'[]
................./>.\ /\ /.<\...................... . . . . .
| | | |
'=' '='
/_/ \_\
A chastened Robo-Pop Idol reflects on his misadventures in Nigeria! It turns
out there wasn't any money there after all! Ah well, he'll learn!
_.;..;._ ___-----________-------_______-_______
/ __ __ \ \ Namely a massive and uncontrollable /
)<@.||.@>: / attack of flatulence! _____-----___\
\ Oo / /_---______------________-
('(__)') _ _ _ ..
_ '-\__/-' _ ||_) /\ ||_) ||_) ||
( ) /--X / \ X--\ || ||-| || \ || ..
( . \ \ / /
( ) [], || ,[] ( )
( ' ' )[]| '' >[][] ( .
( ' )[]'~~~[]~~~' ( ' )
...... ( . /> \ /\ / ( . . ) ................
( . ) | | | | ( '
'=' '=' ( . ' )
/_/ \_\ ( . )
Yes, it's the Farting Robotic Pop Idol! There's always a commotion going on
in his colon!
.__..:_ __-------______-------______----__
/ __\ \ OHMYGOSH! Here comes a big one! /
_ _ __ __ ____ .. |" o <=| /_---_____-----__________---______\
||_) /\ ||_) ||_ ||_ || || |._ _/
|| ||-| || \ || || || .. \|#| '(_.
|# \___/
'--\'\ \
( ' . \ / / \\___----------______--________---_
.* --- - ( . . |[] / \ I think that's got some solid \
* . --- - - \ \ |[] | / matter in it, I must be farting /
# #. * - - - ( - - - -==='[]~' \ down to the bedrock! ____--___\
' -- - ( . / / \<\ / --___--------_______---/
'( ' /=| |
' \_'==--\
'----'
Indeed it gets to the point where Robo isn't just passing air biscuits!
.~##~. ___ ____ ____ ___ __----___--___---_
#\. ./# (DAMMIT! That was ) .__..:_ \YOINKS! I've /
{@ @} ( a role reversal) / __\ |just crapped on /
[ V ] ( I wasn't looking) |" o (@| /Simon Bowell! \
( \()/ ) ( for! I usually ) |._ _/ \Still it's always\
_/'-__-'\_ /_ (do the shitting) \|#| '(_. |cool to see a \
/ (#) \ /|= (on people ) |# \___/ |recording industry/
/ /'(#) '\ \/ / (around here!) '--\'\ |boss getting some \
/ / | (#) |\(#/ --- --- --- ) \[][][][< |of his own /
\ \ ========= \/ : `. | |[] |medicine back! /
\_\(#######) ' . ) | | |\ -__---___---__--'
.../\\\#(*)###' ' .................. ( '~~~' ..............
|##/ \##| . ' ` \ \ /
|##| |##| /=| |
._'~~| |~~'_. \_'==--\
<_____' '____ > '----'
And guess who emerges from the shitstorm! Yes, it's the evil megalomaniac
Record company boss, Simon Bowell!
___ ____ _______ _____ ????? ___ ____ ____ .
.~##~ ( Anyway, to wheel out ) / \
#####.\) ( the implausably thin ) _:..__. \ BLANK! /
#### # @ ( excuse for a plot ) /__ \ \ \
### # __> /( this time round.. ) |@> o "| \ Nope, still \
'. \_, / ( I've suddenly been ) \_ _.| / nothing... /
(_\___/ ( seized by a scientific ) ._) |#|/ \ \
/| \ \'___\_ ( curiosity to find out ) \___/ #| / /
/ | \_____|} ( if your flatulence ) /'/--' /(He's speechless!)
\ | | ( gives you any lifting ) \ \ / \ ,___ ___/
`====== ( thrust and makes you ) \ []| '-- ---'
(#####) ( lighter than air? ) | []|
'###'| --- ----- --- ---- '~[]'
...... |###|| ..................................... \ />/ ...........
|###|| | | |
'~~~'\_._. /--==/==|
\______/_/ '----\__'
Simon then reveals he is following in the footsteps of Charles Darwin, to
make the big scientific discovery of the century! Don't do it, we say, he
will only end up with a Darwin award, which as any fool knows, isn't quite
as desirable as it first seems!
____ _____ _____ __ __ __---__---__-_
( Now then, if you can ) \ Righty-ho! /
( just stand on this ) --__--__--__\
.~##~. ( ultra-precise ) .
#\. ./# ( weighing machine, ) _.;..:._
{@ @} ( and set your anus ) / __ __ \
[ V ] ( to full throttle! ) )<@.||.@>:
( <__> ) --- ---- --- ----- \ Oo /
_/'-__-'\_ /_ ('<__>')
/ \ /|= .--------. _ '-\__/-' _
/ /' '\ \/ / |000.00Kg| /--X / \ X--\
/ / | | \ / '________' \ \ / /
\ \ ========= \/ || [], || ,[]
\_\(#######) || []| '' |[]
/\\\#######' _||_____________________ []'~~~[]~~~'[]
......... |##/ \##|.......|________________________|./> \ /\ /.<\.....
|##| |##| '________________________' | | | |
_'~~| |~~'_ '=' '='
< __ _' '_ __ > /_/ \_\
But it seems that Simon has got a plan, and a very large set of bathroom
scales as well!
___ ______ _______ ___
( My Grandmother could )___ .
( bottom-cough better than ) _.;..:._ _ _ _ _
( that!? )--- ------- ----- // / __ __ \ ||_) /\ ||_) ||_) ||_)
-- -- -- )<=.||.=>; || ||-| || \ || ||
\\ .~##~ \\ \ Oo / //
' #####./) . ('/\/\')
#### # @ ( ) _ '-\__/-' _ .
### # ,_> ( /--X / \ X--\ ( )
'. (_, ( ' )\ \ / / ' )
__(_\___/_ ( . ' [], || ,[] (
/ \ .--------.[]| '' |[] . )
/ /' '\ \ |100.00Kg|[]'~~~[]~~~'[]( ' .)
/ / | | \ \ '________'/> \ /\ / <\
\ \ ========= \_\/ || ( | | | | ' )
\_\(#######) \\\ || ( . ' '=' '=' . )
/\\\#######' _||_________/_/____\_\__ . )
......... |##/ \##|.......|________________________|....................
|##| |##| '________________________'
_'~~| |~~'_
< __ _' '_ __ >
And our hero attempts lift-off! Initially, Simon is scornful of his initial
attempts at anally powered gravity defiance!
\ /\ /
____ _____ _______ ____ ___ | |..| | _ _ _ _
( Blummin' heck! He did it! ) '='|.'=' ||_)||_)||_)||_)
( Robo Pop Idol is the first ) /_/ || \_\ || || || || \ ...
( Fart-powered Rocketman! ) ':
------ ------ -------- -- |:
\\ .~##~. ( ' :| :
#\. ./# . / ; \ . )
{@ @} ( . ( : )
[ V ] ( | : . '
( <__> ) ( : ) . )
\/ _/'-__-'\_ /_ ( ) | | .
=/\ / \ /|= .--------. ( )
\ \/ /' '\ \/ / |000.00Kg| . : '
\ / | | \ / '________' . )
\/ ========= \/ || ( : (
(#######) || ( ' . ' )
#######' _||_____________________
......... |##/ \##|.......|________________________|....................
|##| |##| '________________________'
_'~~| |~~'_
< __ _' '_ __ >
Then all of a sudden, he's up up, and away!!
____ _____ _______ ____ ___
( Phew it does stink a bit! )
( I'll light up one of my )
( extra-big cigars! )
------ ------ ------- --
\\ .~##~. ( (
#\. ./# ) . )
{@ @} ( .( ) `
[ V ] ) ( '
( \__/ ) ( ) ). )
* _/'-__-'\_ ( ( (
* / . ) .--------. ' )
Klik! / /* _\__/ / |000.00Kg| ' (
klik! \ \ |=|___/| '________' . `
* \/\'-'===== || . )
/\/#######) || ( . ' ) (
.# #######' _||_____________________
........ |##/ \##|.......|________________________|....................
|##| |##| '________________________'
_'~~| |~~'_
< __ _' '_ __ >
But then, Simon makes a horrible, horrible mistake! Distracted by the less
than inspiring odour, he resolves to cover this up. Unfortunately, he
chooses a naked flame to do this!
.HI
.MHMH X:
:HMMH. .X!HMM.
`HMHM! !MHMMX
HMHHH. IMM!
XHHHHM!
XMMM!. IMHXHMM. :I.
`HMHMMI. :HHXXHH' .AMH'
`VMHHM! HHXIHH :MHH'
`!HHHA. XHIIIX. .MX .:HD AHHV
`HHHA. !HI!IXI AM: AMHH'. :HHM!
`XXHA. . `HI!:IX :HH AHHMV .IXHH'
`!XIX:. AMA:.H!::IX. !HX AHHHV :IIHX
`XIXX: :HHHHHI. .HMMMXXH: !XIHHHIIHV'
`X!:IXIMHHXHI. IHHH!HX.!IIXH!.IHV
`H:.:!IHHXII: .XH!!HMI::X! :XHI
:MI. .!!II!: :II.!H!.:I:.IHV:
:AMMHHII!:. ::::: ::.I: .: :IHV. !:
`:VMHII:. . .. .IHHMI .:IHMM!
..::::..... HHXI:. :IXXHHMH. .:!IXHHHMHHHX!'
AMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHXIIIII!!!:::. :!!IXHHHHH:..:!!XXXHHXI!:'
``::!XHX:.... .!XHHHI:'
II!:.. .::!IIHHI'
.:II:: .:: ::. .:!IHM:
:IXXIIIIIIXHMH::!: .:: .::!II!: :H!
.!XHHHHXHHHX!:' .XXIXH: :III: !XHHHHHHI!IA:. !MA
AHMMHMMMHI!:' :HHHHHH:.!HHHHI: :HM: `!XXXX::. XMMI .HM!
`VI!' !MV' :!!IHMMMHHI. XX `!XHHA. .. :HMM:
AIIHI' VMH: :I `VHMMH:. `!!
.MMMV' AHHH: `HH::! .HM: `VMMMA
.HV' :MHHHI `HI!!. `:HMD
:' IMHV' `XII!
`' :XIX.
!HHI IMMI
|| / ||\. //\ //\ ||\/| || `XHH! IMMM:
||/ ||/ // \ // \ || | || XHHH. :I:
||\ ||\. \\ / \\ / || | || !MHMI
VK || \ ||/ \\/ \\/ || | .. :MHHH:
`VMMV'
The outcome is predictable to say the least! Okay, I was feeling lazy, and
leeched this lovely explosion for you all to enjoy!
/ / \ \ .
\\ \--X \__/ X--/ / ___----___----___----____-----___----__---.
. - .-/ \-. - .\ Oh no, I've lost control, going to crash!\
\ (./\/\.) // / Coming down fast! AAAAAGHH!__---___---___/
/ oO \ \___---____-------_____----_/
'.\ :<@.||.@>: /.' _ __
- -=== \_--.-- _/ ====- \\ / ||_| //_\ || ||/ ||
. '/ .~##~ \'. \\/\/ || | || | ||_ ||\ ..
#####./) .
#### # =) ___ ___ .
### # ,_>( UUUGH!)
. '. \/\ --- --- '
__(_\___/ . '
' / . \/\ .- -\-,--. .
. / /' . ::. '\ \ ' | / / . ' .
/ / | ; :' |/ / >__\___\' .
. \ \ == =====/ / . \\ ' . ' '
\_\(####,#/\/ // . ' . . ' ..
/\\\#.####\/ _||_____ ___ _.__ _____ .
........ /##/\##\ .... .\`____ __)_____ __\/___,_`....................
/)#/ \##\ '____/______ ______\_____'
\##\ /##/
/ // / //
'--'- '-'-
And the Robo Pop-Idol is rudely returned to ground level by the force of the
explosion. Good job Simon was there to provide a soft landing!
__---__----__--__ . ___ ________ _______ .~##~.
\ Can I stop now? / .__..:_ ( Still, 'oil's well ) #\. ./#
/ Please!? \ / __\ \\ ( that ends well!' ) {@ @}
--____---_---_---_\ |" o <@| ( Good job that those ) [ V ]
|._ _/ ( passing energy ) ( <__> )
\|#| '(_. ( company executives ) _/'-__-'\_
\\ |# \___/ ( spotted Robo's ) / )
R-R-RUMBLE! '--\'\ // ( gaseous potential!) / /' _\__/ /
\ / / ( And it's all at a )/ / | =|___/|
____________.. |[] / ( big profit to me! )\ \ =========
Natural Gas ||\ __ |[] | ---- ------ ------- \_\(#######)
Pipeline || |__==='[]~' || /\\\#######'
____________||/ \<\ / |##/ \##|
.//\\...//\\''... // /=| |.................................. |##| |##|..
// \\ // \\ \_'==--\ _'~~| |~~'_
'----' <____' '____>
But luck favours the already fortunate, as Simon discovers a way to make big
bucks out of Robo's predicament! With a big metal pipe rudely placed where
such things ought not to go, Robo isn't so sure!
See you again next time!
CiH, originally for Alive Mag,July '04
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