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Alive 9
Loony View!

Fahrenheit 9/11 - The Conspiracy theorist's view!

To say that I was expecting a lot of this film is the understatement of  the
year.  Michael  Moore  promised to expose the many lies behind the  Amerikan
police  state's war on terror,  but it seems that he has left most of  these
intact!   A   sense   of  growing  disappointment  and  futility   dominated
proceedings,  as  I settled down to watch a pirated minds-eye vision of  how
the film went.  If Michael Moore is such a "man of the people" as he claims,
he surely won't begrudge this small loss in cinema earning revenue!

He  started  off well by exposing the relationship between the  Saudi  royal
family,  and  both  George Bush's(*),  but he held back from telling us  the
self-evident truth about their mutual dependence on the sweet bodily  resins
given off by a giant alien insect hive queen !

(*)  NOT  George  Bush senior and Junior,  as most people might  think,  but
'Dubya' and his perfect clone double!

I  feel that he stuck too rigidly to the narrow and unbelievable  "official"
line  of  how  events transpired on September 11th.  That is,  a  number  of
aircraft were hijacked and flown into buildings.  You will recall,  from the
footage  of  the  destruction  of the three  World  Trade  Towers,  how  the
explosions  were coloured a sparkly purple and the blast patterns  travelled
straight  down.  There is no way that an aircraft flown into them could have
done  that!  The purple detonation colour indicates the presence of hard  to
get  ultra-precise  Martian demolition explosives,  probably operated  by  a
covert Mossad/Klingon special forces team!

(Yes,  *three* towers! For those ignorant of the real truth, the third tower
was pyramidial, invisible, and built by a masonic Kelis milkshake song alien
conspiracy.  In  addition  to headquartering the servers for  the  nefarious
world satellite network that controls the inside of people's heads,  it also
provided  emergency accomodation for Glen Miller and Elvis Presley,  and had
garage space for 1500 black helicopters...)

Additionally,  you  will recall news footage from Channel 'FELI' (Number 501
on  your  Sky remote) that revealed the so-called hi-jackers  as  alive  and
well,  and vehemently denying any involvement in this planet's affairs.  The
Thargoid  overlord generally known as Osama bin Laden has gone on record  to
say that he is a peace-loving species, with no wish to harm others.

Michael Moore does not even get near the real proximate cause of the war  in
Iraq,  which is to secure control of the Stargate discovered near Tikrit. He
doesn't  even  touch on the semi-official justification about  the  US  army
searching  to  put  a stop to the 'Green Kryptonite  of  mass  destruction'.
Evidently  the  cover-up  was so successful,  that this hidden  cover  story
remains  undiscovered  by the public at large to this day!  Some of us  just
don't  think that feeble story about oil supply cuts it!  I'm surprised that
Mr  Moore still places faith in it as a prime motivator for the events  that
took place.

There  was  no mention made at all of Saddam Hussein being  Britney  Spear's
time-travelling  lovechild,  who returned from a fearful war-torn future  to
prevent what happened in the past, but instead he got accidentally caught up
in causing much of the awfulness.  Incidentally, we feel that his arrest and
pending  trial  are  extremely  unfair,  and we  are  making  our  collected
information on the Saddam/Britney connection available to his defence  team.
It just seems that they are a bit slow in replying to our emails, but we are
patient, and the real truth will find its way out into the open!

He  does  not bring the events that took place at Roswell in 1947  into  the
story,  but  to  be  frank,  we haven't found a way of doing this either  as

Finally,  there  is  the vexed question of the Princess of all  our  hearts,
Diana.  Was  this whole 'War on Terror' started to divert people's attention
away from the Daily fucking Mail printing photographs of her on their  front
page,  every  time some shitey little tosspot former butler tries to cash in
with a tediously dull "Handbag of all her secrets" story?!

NEXT TIME! - Kennedy death new theory! Shot by a single man acting alone!

CiH, for Alive Mag, July '04 - Oh dear, we are going off on one, aren't we!

Alive 9