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Alive 9

        More Christian Cartoon Hilarity!

You  will remember from the last issue of Alive,  the hilarious drawings  of
Jack Chick, the minister of strip-cartoon based preaching. Well as promised,
I  looted from another prime gem in his prodigious body of work.  Maybe  the
term  "body"  isn't appropriate,  as this time around,  Jack foams about the
"Gay Wave" that threatens to break over us all.

The scene is set in a school classroom somewhere in small-town America.  The
teacher,  a  'Ms Henn' introduces a couple of dentists who are giving a talk
on  their lifestyle.  You can tell that something is not quite right in this
first strip,  as the two dentists bear some resemblance to the gay assassins
Mr  Wint and Mr Kidd in the James Bond film 'Diamonds are Forever'!  Keeping
to  the  character  references from the early Sean Connery  Bond  theme  for
another minute, doesn't Ms Henn remind you of some evil Russian lesbian with
dagger-loaded pointy shoes!? It must be the way he draws them!

And  what is going on with the little Pokemon style demons that  he's  drawn
kissing behind the two gay dental assassins?!

"Are you feeling horny Mr Kidd?" "Why yes, I think I am Mr Wint!"

It's down to little Frankie,  surely a tabloid newspaper editor in training,
to  ask the crucial question!  Ilsa,  erm Ms Henn is not at all pleased with
Frankie's direct manner!  In a series of authority-defying scrapes,  Frankie
gets sent to the principal, right after he's taken a poisoned kicking in the
shins first I guess?

"Please sir, could you tell us about how buttplugs work?"

Outside  the  classroom,  the children get down to talking about the  bible.
Inevitably,  in view of the rather heavy subject matter,  the uplifting tale
of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah is lightly touched up,  er on!  The
action switches to an illustration of the big man, God, sending some special
forces  angels  to  rescue  Lot,  the one good man becalmed  uneasily  in  a
whirling  sea of depravity.  The sodomites get to hear of this,  and turn up
expecting to "do nasty things" to the angels!  But the angels were more than
ready for them!.

"Gorblimey!" said the sodomites. "Alright then we will!" retorted the angels!

And  Jack  mercifully spares us the purple prose of  the  original  biblical
account and gets things right down to the barest of essentials. Well I think
that  "God fire-bombed the cities and turned them to ashes" neatly  sums  up
that episode of ancient myth without any need for a more elaborate account.

But  Jack saves the killer punch for the very last panel!  "And now  they're
back, and they're called GAYS!"

"A crafty butcher is so-called, because he takes his meat around the back!"

Well we've been properly warned about the perils of the "Gay Wave", but does
Jack Chick appreciate the sweet irony of basing his views on the King  James
edition of the Bible?  That is,  King James the sixth of Scotland, and first
of England,  who was reputed to be 'travelling on the other bus',  and quite
possibly  'overly  fond of interior design', according to some of  the  more
scurrilous historical sources!

CiH, for Alive Mag,July '04

Next prog,Jack does the Moslems!

Alive 9