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Alive 8


Over the last weeks we have endured a  never seen before  flow of  viruses 
invade our  mailboxes  some of  them even using  fake identities such as known 
people ! Now that it occurs to me I have to confess I  wondered why  Baggio or 
Earx promoted viagra :) Fortunately we as simple Atari users have been  spared 
such crap... Have we ? Since some of us  browse the web with their accelerated 
or standard Falcons here are some examples of spam and viruses they could find 
in their own mailboxes :) 

Mail #1
Subject : feeling that your Falcon is too weak ?

    "hi there ! I have heard about  your problem lately. Don't feel embarrassed
as it can happen  to everyone else out  there ! Your  Falcon is a  bit slow and
cannot make it till  the end  when you  need it ? Last  night you  tried to run
Evolution 1_0 but had to stop within seconds ? Don't be scared, it happens even
to the best of us ! Now we offer  you the solution ! CT viagra is here to solve
all of your problems ! It'll  instantly make your  device feel stronger, faster
and more powerful ! One patch of CT viagra is  enough to make your machine feel
like Lion  king ! Let the  jungle know  who's the best and only one ! You won't
have to blush anymore ! CT viagra  will make you yell : "yes, I can make it and
deeper than you lamer !".

    SPECIAL OFFER : Buy one patch now and next one is our gift for your trust !
with CT viagra  you'll last longer ! And if you  buy FIVE patches, extra ram is
offered ! (shipping not included).

Mail #2 
Subject : Atari games and business offer

    "Last night I visited Reservoir  Gods website and noticed that you had all
the best scores at Godpey  and Superfly ! Woh I'm really  impressed especially
since i'm not such a great gamer as you :( Maybe some day you can teach how to
beat these scores ?".

    "Oh, before I forget, I'm the only  son of an African president who had to
flew his  country because of naasty naaasty rebels ! I would appreciate if you
could open a bank account in your country for me. I assure you'll get at least
15% of the 15.000  billion dollars we  need to secure ! Make  my day and we'll
play godpey together I swear".

Mail #3
Subject : GEM update to run immediately !

    "Last week, Atari  headquarters  announced they found a security breach in
the Atari ST TOS released in 1985 ! This  breach allows any  intruder to visit
your harddrive and mess around with your accessories and GEM settings ! Please
download the following  patch (2.5Mb only) and run  it on your  machine asap !
This is national  security  issue, the  future's now in  your  hands and don't
forget : God bless America, Bin Laden and Mac Donald !".

Mail #4
subject : I know you like it and me too !

    "Hullo my name is Dansra  of the  Gool Cirls, you  remember me ? The  other
night you and I  spent 2  hours chatting on #atarisex. You told me you loved to
touch your genitals when  formatting a  floppy and hmm it  turned me sooo hot !
Now I want more and I want  it NOW ! don't  back off and be a  good boy, I have
tons of floppies here that need reformating ! I cannot wait, hmm can you see me
and my uncared floppies ? Don't be nasty, take care of me !!".

    "If you want to open a private  chat with me, please  call #214 546 689 and
give your credit card number. No  extra fee will be  charged (I promise) but to
make sure no one can  read our tender  exchanges, it's the *only* way to secure
chatting (3.15 Euros per minute). Btw, have I already told you that I'm sitting
naked in front of my ST all day long ? Oooh it's soooo hot here, someone has to
help me out. I can rub your mouse like nobody else, so don't be shy and come to
me (you need to be above 18 years old and tick the "ok" box). I'm waiiiting for
you big boy !".

Mail #5
Subject : Blaster2 Microsoft newsletter

    "We, big heads of M$, have found out that a new generation of the BLASTER
virus is currently spreading over the internet and we have decided to kill it
in the egg to show our  customers that we DO care ! Please  run the following
attachment  from your root  folder and it'll get  you saved from any highjack
attempt !"

    "If you're not running Windows(tm) environment please download this file
and copy it to the system folder of every PC at work ! This way, your fellow
workers will be kept away from any risk and can be grateful to you !".

Mail #6
Subject : your order #4521

    "Dear Sir, we are sorry to  let you know that the  DVD you ordered "Mad Max
at Wembley" is no  longer  available. We deeply  apologize for the inconvenient
but would like to offer you an alternative choice of DVDs. We currently hold in
stock volumes 3 and 4 of "horny mice  and wet  mat are back" for  your greatest
pleasure. It includes mice bondage, keyboard  rubbing, monitor dry cleaning and
more !. To confirm order please click on the following link :" 

Mail #7
Subject : buy a diploma in ASM !

    "Hi there ! I have read the ALIVE review of your latest intro and though I
think STS is an unfair bastard, I have to add that he wasn't too wrong... Your
screens show that you cannot clearly  understand a single line of the code you
copy/paste from other people's  routines. Forget about it  and become the next
Defjam in a matter of minutes ! You want to  code fullscreen C2P in 1VBL ? You
want all of these lamers to get on their knees when they watch you new stuff ?
WE CAN MAKE IT BECOME TRUE ! We offer  various ranges of  ASM diplomas for all
prices : be a shy  newcomer or an asskicking wizard, all of this is offered to
you today !"

    "Become an ace in less than a week ! No real knowledge  nor any skills are
needed ! I became a great coder and I still don't know what ASM means ! If you
want to rule, you need to get your own ASM diploma RIGHT NOW !".

Mail #8
Subject : webcam fixed at last !

    "Hi honey ! Remember  me  from  the  other day  on #atariscne  when we were
discussing the latest CT60 bugfixes ? I feel like  you and I have  always known
and hence I'm very proud and happy to announce that I've finally managed to get
my webcam run on my STe ! You can see me live at now.
I want you to go deep into my  registers, put  floppies into my  tight hole and
spread pixels all over my face. Cum to me !"

    "If you want I can also get my Falcon started and we'll run WHIP all night
long ! Come and show me how good you are at whip pong ! Rooooar !"

    NB : my name is Natasha, I'm 42 years old and I have 4 children who need a
    stable father.

Mail #9
Subject : RE Godpey highscores and business offer

    "Hi again my friend ! I can see  that you've  greatly improved your  latest
hiscores at  Godpey, woh really  impressive !! But you  forgot to  mail me your
bank  account number, I  guess you  were too busy, no  problem. Oh btw my royal
family and I are looking for a place to stay for no more than a couple of weeks
or maybe months. I heard that you had a  big and comfortable  flat and that you
were inclined to welcome all  Atarians and that's  good  news to me. My family,
namely my 2 uncles  and aunties, my  wife and our 7 kids would be happy to meet
you at last !"

    "Since we are going thru some financial hard times, I would be grateful if
you pay for our 13 plane tickets. I'll pay you back as soon as  we have landed
and you have given me your bank account number. Stay cool stay atari !".

Mail #10
Subject : better than lousy CT viagra, give CT120 a try now !

    "Hi dear customer ! We are happy to note that you were satisfied with your
previous CT viagra order and that is the reason why we want to offer you a new
and exclusive offer : the CT120 vaxium !"

    "You enjoyed  the power offered  by CT viagra ? You want  more and longer ?
CT120 vaxium is the  ONLY  accelerating  medicine that can go faster than plain
CT60 ! Double speed and power in a blink of the eye ! We know we shouldn't make
such promising offer but since we  take you as a number *ONE* customer, we have
decided to make it special for you, and you only (ignore the 45 other addresses
in this message headline). You want to mock CT60 owners ? We offer you a unique
chance to have the next  gen Falcon ! Don't hesitate  too long as this offer is
limited to the first 50,000 customers ! Order now or die !".

Oki the  joke (or threat ?) has come  to an end now ! You can peacefully 
switch your ST or Falcon on and still laugh at the many brainless people who 
get caught by such stupid messages ! Btw if you want real viagra, mail me at :))

Alive 8