._ ,_
( . ._ . __ _ . | ) ._ _._ . ._
\ | | | / | |.\ /_\ | |\ /\ |_) /\ | | /
__) '_' | \._ | |_/ | | |_. | \ \/ |_) \/ | | \._
,__ ,__ __
|[]| |[]| || |' |
||-'.__ ||-' |' _|| .__ |.
|| |[]| || || |[]| |[]| ||
'' --' '' -- --' --' ----
_____ ______ _____ ____ ___ ____ _____ .
.~##~ (Well it's time we went ) /But after all \
#####.\) (our separate ways.. ) _:..__. \ the degrading /
#### # @ (You spiralling down ) ' /__ \ \ things I did \
### # ,_> /(to the gutter, me ) . |@> | \for you! The \
'. \_, / (exploiting the next) . \_ _.| /lame gigs, the /
(_\___/ (generation of gullible) ' ._) |#|/ \awful Television
/| \ \'___\_ (talentless wannabees!) \___/ #| /shows. And the /
/ | \_____|} --- ---- --- ---- -- /'/--' /toilets I licked\
\ | | \ \ / \clean!! ,___ ___/
`====== \ []| '-- ---'
(#####) | []|
'###'| '~[]'
------ |###|| ------------------------------------- \ />/ ---
\ \ |###|| \ \ \ \ \ | | |
\\\ '~~~'\_._. \\ \\ \\ \\ \ /--==/==|
\ \ \ \______/_/ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ '----\_.'
\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
Poor old Robotic Pop Idol hits something of a low point this issue! First the
evil Record Company Supremo, Simon Bowell, gives him the bum's rush!
_____---- _----____----____-_
/ I don't suppose you thought/
/of selling the kids on Ebay? \ _.;..;._
\ YOU BITCH!!! / / __ __ \
`-- --___-------____--__----\\ )<@.||.@>:
`` \ Oo /
_______..________ ('(__)')
| _ '-\__/-' _
--------------- | /--X / \ X--\
BREAKING NEWS! | | \ \ / /
Robo-Idol in | | /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ . [], || ,[]
Radiator-Sex | / I WAS YOUR AUTOMATIC LOVER,\ \ [] | '' |[]
Scandal! |o|\ AUTOMATIC LOVER....... / //\[] '~~~[]~~~'[]
_______________' \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ \\*\ \ /\ / <\
================='. `\/ | | | |
o... | '=' '='
--------------------------~~~~~~~-------------------~~ /_/ -- \_\ --~~
The bad news does not stop there. Robo is told to try on a paternity suit by
an aggrieved groupie. Unfortunately for him, it fits!
__---_______________---_______________---_________________|______
(
_:..__. /
___----_____------____-_____ /__ \ (
/Ah well, time to contemplate\ |@> o "| /`
/ the mysteries beyond the / \__ _.| )
\/ black veil of Death! A good\__/ .--) |#|/ (
\/ old fashioned hanging will/ \___/ #|`.__)
\/ settle my hash! /------- /'/--'
\/'--------------' \ \ /
\ []|
| []| ( )
Suu-i-cide isn't Painless! '~[]' |
It brings on many changes! \ />/ |
______ | | | |
| _____| /--=='=' |
| | .--'----'-'--|
|_ |_ | .-____-. '
|*) |*) {##} {##}
'- '- || ||
|/ ||
__________________________________________||________||_______
An increasingly desperate Pop Idol sees only one final way out of his dilemma.
The rather drastic remedy of suicide!
__---_______________---_______________---_________________|______
_:..__. |
/ \ |
_:..__. ' B
/ \ |
_:..__. | B
/__ \ /
____----___--___ |*> o "| / B
/ Well, oblivion \ \__ _.| / o
\ HERE I COME! / .--) |#|/ / i
/____ ---____--- \___/ #|`./ n
/'/--' n
\ \ / g
\ \ []| / g
\ | []|
'~[]' / !
\ \ />/ !
| | \ /
/--=='\ \
'----'/ /
And like the crazy fool he is, he leaps straight off the chair!
___----___----__---__ /\
/ FECKIN ARSEHOLES! \ \/ _:..__. /)
\ I used Bungee rope! /_____ /__ \ _
/___---__--_____--____\ \ |'> o "| /_|
. \__ _.| .
,'`. .--) |#|/.,`
==========================================.'\___/ #|`. ====|============
__ /'/--' .'
(_ . _ \ \ / \ (
__) /\/\ A S H H !! /_\ \ []| `. \
| []| \ )
'~[]' )(
B | \ />/ | '.'
| | |
B /--=='='
o '----'-'
i | . . . |
n /--=='='
n | '----'-' |
g . . .
g /--=='='
! | '----'-' |
But the rope he used turns out to be more elastic than planned, so Robo Pop
Idol comes back smashing through the ceiling instead!
_____---__--____---__--__
_.;..;._ \If at first you don't \
/ __ __ \ \ succeed, email a copy /
)<@.||.@>: / of the massively \ .-============-.
\ Oo / \ clogging "Swen Worm" / || run C:\ ||
('<__>') ==\ trojan to yourself! \ || swen worm ||
_ '-\__/-' _ \It'll swamp my systems\ || virus! ||
/--X / \ X--\ / in no time at all! / ||____________||
\ \ / / --__----___---___---_/ '-----_____----'
[], || ,[] || | .-----------------.
[]| '' |[] || | | [===] : PeeCee |
[]'~~~[]~~~'[] || | .-------------------------.
/> \ /\ / <\ || | =..===================..=
_____ | |__| | __________||-------------|_____||___________________||___
.....''=' '=''...............................||...................||...
.... /_/ |_| ...............................||...................||..
..............................................''...................''..
But not deterred by this setback, Robo Pop Idol has another plan! Surely this
one will work?
___----____----___--__ |
_.;..;._ \I don't get it, I \ |
/ __ __ \ /should be feeling the \
)<@.||.@>: \waves of useless emails\ .-============-.
\ Oo / /flooding my internal /\/ || email sent ||
('(__)') =\ server by now?! /\/ | || email sent ||
_ '-\__/-' _ --__---_____----_/ || email sent ||
/--X / \ X--\ |. ' ||____________||
\ \ / [][][]< || | '-----_____----'
[], || ,/ || | .-----------------.
[]| '' | || | | [===] : |
[]'~~~[]~~~' || | .-------------------------.
/> \ /\ / || | =..===================..=
_____ | |__| | __________||-------------|_____||___________________||___
.....''=' '=''...............................||...................||...
.... /_/ /_/ ...............................||...................||..
..............................................''...................''..
But even with the insidious trojan worm plan in full flow, Robo Idol seems to
be strangely unaffected?
___---___---__
_.;..;._ /OH BUNNIES! \
/ \_ _/\ \ I forgot my \ |
)>@.||.@<: \O/S is built \ | .-============-.
\ Oo / \around a Linux \ | || target not |
('(__)') ===/ core! Now I'll \ | || responding ||
_ '-\__/-' _ \never be able to/ || .......... ||
/--X / \ X--\ \kill myself!! / ' ||____________||
[] \ / [] --___---__--_/ | '-----_____----'
[] , || , [] || | .-----------------.
[] | '' | []_ || | | [===] : |
/> '~~~[]~~~' \ || | .-------------------------.
\ /\ / || | =..===================..=
_____ / /_ | |__________||-------------|_____||___________________||___
..... `.=` '='...............................||...................||...
.... /__/ \_\..............................||...................||..
..............................................''...................''..
Then realisation strikes. He is not built around Microsoft products, which are
really helpful if you want to spread around email nasties really quickly!
___----____-___
_.;..;._ /Hang on, what's\_____
/ __ __ \ \ this? An urgent and \
)<@.||.@>: / confidential request \_ .-============-.
\ Oo / \for my help? $40 million\ || You've got ||
('<__>') ==\locked up in the bank / || mail! No ||
_ '-\__/-' _ \of Nigeria? I get a / || really... ||
/--X / \ X--\ /share if I help to / ||____________||
\ \ / / \ move the money?? \ '-----_____----'
[], || ,[] \ Wow! Get in there! \ .-----------------.
[]| '' |[] /I'm so happy, I don't\ | [===] : |
[]'~~~[]~~~'[] \ feel like committing/ .-------------------------.
/> \ /\ / <\ \suicide anymore!! / =..===================..=
_____ | |__| | ______---___---_____----- ____||___________________||___
.....''=' '=''...............................||...................||...
.... /_/ |_| ...............................||...................||..
..............................................''...................''..
But just then, something happens, which seems to transform the situation, in
Robo Idol's eyes...
______ _____ __ _ __ _____ __ _ __ _____ _____ __ _ _____
| ___| | ' ' | __| | | | | __| __| / | ___|
| | | | | | | ' ' | | | __' |
'--- | ' | | | | --| | | --| --| |--- |
|______'_____'__'_'__'_____' '___'___'_____'_____'__\_'_____' L A T E R..
________________ _ __
| . | |_| _ |_ _ | _| _ | |_ _ _ _|
| _.:..:._ | | \ [_] |_] [_] | [_| [_] |_ | [_] |_| | | [_|
| / __ __ \ | _
| )<@.||.@>: | | \ . _ _ _ _ |_ _ _| |
| \ Oo / | |_/ | S | | | E | | | |_] E | E [_| .
| ('(__)') |
| _ '-\__/-' _ | At around three weeks after he went missing, the
| /--X / \ X--\ | broken remains of the Robotic Pop Idol were found
'----------------' in a remote jungle clearing, some fifty kilometres
south of the Nigerian capital Lagos..
He was last seen alive, boarding a flight to Nigeria, with a sum of
money estimated to be in excess of fifty thousand pounds, apparently
to meet with a mysterious businessman, 'Michael Mugu'.
HELSINKI COMPUTER ORCHESTRA "ANCHOVY ROUND THE U-BEND" TRIBUTE - Page 3
SIMON BOWELL "HE WASN'T VERY GOOD AT ALL.." - Page 7
The END! (Is it for good?!)Unlikely, I think!
CiH, for Alive Mag,Jan '04.
|
