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Alive 7





      from our Finnish Correspondent!

Warning! this article contains characters and references which are based on 
real  life  people and situations,  all of them ripe for  pisstaking!  This 
article is dedicated to Nosfeof MFX,  and is based to a very large extent, 
on his Breakpoint party report which can be found on the Alt Party website. 
In  fact,  I might as well save some time by not bothering with the parody, 
and including the uncut, half-cut, and largely unconscious real thing!?

Anyway, here goes nothing...

i'm not in a state where i could write anything too coherent,  which is not
unusual. still, as memories and feelings start to fall into place, i'll try
to tell you what i remember from breakpoint 2003,  or wherever it was i got

on thursday,  i left my home at 15.00,  after drinking 3 vodkas and 2 short
tequilas. my plane was leaving at 17.00, and when i arrived at vantaa where
i found visual lice there,  but it seemed that no other finn was taking the
same flight with us.

we  were  seated  at opposite ends of the plane,  so i passed the  time  by
drinking  two  small bottles of wine,  a whisky,  one cream liqueur,  and 3
cognacs, i think? i was starting to feel ready for the party vibe!

after  we  arrived at frankfurt main,  i noticed the brown decor.  this was
pretty  dull,  but  soon livened it up when i upchucked the results of  the
last  hours  drinking,  and small finnair complimentary package of  peanuts
onto  it!  we  found our way onto the trainstation after buying  some  much
needed  supplies (two bottles of red wine,  and a bottle of antifreeze from
the garage!)

we caught our train and the journey was generally ok,  except some neo-nazi
type  hassled  us  until some more results from  the  last  hours  drinking
upchucked again,  and ended up on his shoes!  victory to finland i say, the
sad bastard didn't hang around too long after that!

after  stopping  to get more supplies (a couple of bottles more  red  wine,
some vodka,  a can of paint-thinner) we looked around for some means to get
to the party place itself.  fortunately, visual lice had a cellphone number
for  the  organisers,  and  they would send a car to pick us  up  in  forty
minutes.  about an hour and ten minutes later,  we were still waiting,  but
the  booze  supplies  weren't waiting,  so we had a  pleasant  time  making
traditional combinations of wine and antifreeze finnish winter drinks.

........a lot of hours later,  we woke up,  still not at the partyplace, so
visual  lice  rang again,  and an organiser dude apologised and  said  they
would  send  a car over which they did.  i don't recall who the guys  were,
that were picking us up,  viewfinder could have been one of them,  at least
if he could impersonate a blurred object?!

when we arrived at the partyplace,  we found stealer and triple-x-rated and
lots  of other cool people.  first thing that triple-x did after seeing  me
was  that he wanted to show me something.  i said to him that I don't  care
how  dedicated  to  amiga porno demos he was,  i was not  going  to  appear 
stripped  naked  in his next one!  but he said,  no it wasn't anything like
that and took me to the meadow where there was a large pile of wood. it was
the main hall, and he said that it should be turned into a big fire. i have
to  say that arranging some arson of the partyplace itself is  something  i
consider to be one of the most coolest things ever,  so,  REALLY BIG thanks
for  scat  doing that,  i love you man,  although not in any girlie bottom-
fancying way, incase you get any ideas!

then we went inside and started some really heavy boozing..

my  memories then get a little weird and at some point i might have  passed
out...  i  have this memory of puking in the bushes,  or in someones shoes.
for  a  time,  i  though i might have puked inside the  partyplace  itself,
although i guess that didn't happen since nobody has complained to me about
it.  visual  lice  is walking about funny with his shoes  making  squidging
noises and a pained expression on his face,  so i think i might have fucked
up  there...   at  some  point,  the magic vodka fairies arrived with  more
supplies,  and we started boozing again for breakfast,  nothing like a hair
of the reindeer to cure the hangover blues!

at around 12.00 the organisers drove us out of the meadow with cattle prods
as  they wanted everyone to pay their registration fee.  we had to wake  up
visual  lice who had passed out in a field of whiskey vomit for an hour  or
two ago.

since i had no money,  i needed to travel to town to get some, before which
i  finished  off  the  rest of the extant booze  supplies,  yes,  even  the
antifreeze!  we  got  on the bus which went on for a long time.  so long in
fact, that i drifted in and out of sleep, but i woke up eventually in a big
city somewhere.

i  wasn't  sure  if  it it was near the  breakpoint  partyplace  at  bingen
anymore,  as  i appeared to have gone a lot further east than i thought,  i
found signs for dresden,  which is in the east of the country! i was hungry
after  all  that boozing,  so what could be better than a pizza  attack.  i
crashed  into the first restaurant i could find,  which was a place  called
'amigo'.  whilst i was eating my pepperoni,  i heard them taking orders for
loads  of  pizzas  at some other coding party called  'error  in  line'.  i
remember  some  of  the other finnish chaps talking about  an  atari  party
there, so i decide to go along with the pizza delivery and investigate.

presently,  i  arrived at the error in line,  which was not a freezing tent
and no fires.  there seemed to be a lot of coding activity, and very little
boozing,  which  is  weird!  but i soon registered,  determined to add some
atmosphere to the place. they sold beer, which is okay for a time, but only
serves  as  an  appetiser for the hard stuff.  they didn't  sell  any,  but
helpfully  suggested  the garage down the road,  or a place  called  conrad
electronics for some really exotic replacements for bodily fluids.

i  settled  for the garage,  as i did not feel like turning myself  into  a
cyborg this week. by the time i had drunk the new supplies including diesel
spillage  and windscreen washer fluid,  i was back into the party vibe once
more!  memories are assaulted by pixies once more,  as i remember something
about a competition called 'whip-pong,  well it had lots of screaming in it
anyway, then the police turned up....

... i passed out once more, whilst asking for a bus. problem was, i think i
caught  an 'airbus' as this dresden has an airport,  and i'm not quite sure
where i ended up now??? this place is hot and dusty, and the people are the

i'll  try  to  get my bearings soon,  and write some more on  this  report,
where's the toilet?? AAAAGGGHHH!!

Supplementary info alert!

            Press release # 1211

Efforts  to search for those concealed chemical WMD,  including barrels  of
agents  used  in  the manufacture of nerve gas and mustard  gas  have  been
considerably  impeded  by  an unknown individual,  who has  taken  it  upon
himself  to personally drink all remaining stocks of WMD items as they  are
discovered, and before allied personnel can secure them!

The  Finnish  diplomatic mission in Baghdad is attempting to  contact  this
person, who is believed to be one of their nationals.

When  asked to elaborate on the situation,  they released a press statement
simply stating "He's just this guy, you know!"

CiH, for Alive Mag, May 2003, we really love you man!

Alive 7