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Alive 6

She's been a very very naughty girl!

SAVAGE LOVE, Healthy and Natural, by Dan Savage (10/03/02)

This was something that I dragged up off the 'web, Cruel Site of the Day, to
be precise.  The  initial "embarrassed mother of Maine" query is interesting
in itself, but  probably not totally unfeasible.  For me, the really amusing
part is in the  vehemence  of the  agony aunt's reply.  I  don't know what a
'Dildo Fatwa' is, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to find out!

- Grabbed by CiH, Oct '02

This  is a fairly embarrassing situation for myself and my  husband--I  hope
you  will consider helping.  Not too long ago,  we came home from a night at
the theater and found my 14-year-old daughter "experimenting" with one of my
dildos.  Needless to say,  we were both mortified. My husband quickly exited
the room and left me to deal with it.  My daughter claims she found it while
innocently  looking through my closet (something she is not allowed to  do).
She says she was "curious" and "just playing."

I  have  since  thrown  the dildo away,  as well as my  other  one  and  the
vibrator. I have decided that these sorts of materials are inappropriate for
a household with teenagers.  My daughter was grounded for a week, and now we
don't speak of the incident. My husband has never mentioned it once.

Should  I  dredge  this  up  again,   Dan?  Or  move  on?  The  feelings  of
embarrassment are lingering. Have I harmed my daughter?

Traumatized Over Youngster:

Sorry,  mom,  but  however  mortified you were by the sight of your daughter
impaling herself on your dildo,  you MUST speak of this incident again.  You
MUST sit your daughter down,  look her straight in the eye, and you MUST say
the following:  "Please accept my apology. I've been such a dumb bitch about 
all of this and I hope you'll forgive me." Then hand your daughter a  nicely
wrapped package.  Inside the package? A dildo of her very own. Then you MUST
say  this:  "Like  all  girls your age,  you're curious about sex, and  your 
hormones are raging,  and you're old enough to masturbate,  and masturbation 
is  healthy  and   natural.  Your desire to experiment with  penetration  is 
likewise  healthy  and natural.  You're no longer grounded,  and as we speak 
your  father  is  putting  a lock on your bedroom  door,  so  that  you  can 
masturbate in total privacy. Now get out of my sight, you little scamp."

Look,  lady,  teenagers masturbate for pleasure,  to release sexual tension,
and  to  alleviate their fears about sex (what is it going to  feel  like?).
Your daughter's curiosity about penetration is natural and healthy.  Teenage
boys experiment with penetration all the time. With a little hand lotion and
a  clenched fist,  a straight boy can simulate vaginal intercourse.  Teenage
girls who want to simulate vaginal intercourse don't have it quite so  easy.
They need a stand-in for cock,  and,  as a parent,  you should be proud that
your  daughter  was  smart  enough to use  something  designed  for  vaginal
penetration.  Do you have any idea how many girls wind up in emergency rooms
every year because they "lost" pens,  pencils, hot dogs, or cucumbers inside 
themselves?  do  you  have  any idea how many girls do themselves  real  and
lasting damage experimenting with bottles,  broom handles,  hammers, and Ken 
dolls? (Alive! Ed falls down, choking with laughter at this point!)

So,  mom,  lighten  up.  It  wasn't  "your fault," i.e.,  dildos in the house
didn't  put the idea in your daughter's head.  Fourteen-year-old girls  know
what  vaginal  intercourse is,  and they're curious about it and  experiment
with  it,  dildos  or no dildos.  And look on the bright side,  mom:  If your
daughter  didn't  find  your dildos you might have come home  to  find  your
daughter bleeding internally after using something inappropriate to  satisfy
her  curiosity.  Actually,  you  may yet come home to that.  With your idiot  
dildo fatwa in  effect,  your daughter is likelier to explore her  curiosity
about penetration with whatever is handy. If you want to avoid a trip to the
emergency room (or avoid feeling queasy every time you cut up a cucumber for
a salad), you need to buy your daughter a dildo of her own.

Dan Savage's new book, Skipping Towards  Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and
the Pursuit of Happiness in America (Dutton), goes on sale October 10. (More
info at skippingtowards- Send your Savage Love  questions  to    Copyright 2002

Alive 6