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Alive 6

         by Phil Space, aka CiH.

You  remember  the  spate of famous demo names being  given  a  food-related 
twist.  For a couple of days,  the 'Onion demo',  and all its ilk,  were all 
over  the DHS bulletin board like a nasty little rash down below.  Now  I've 
got  to  thinking of an even bigger and more distinguished body of  work  to 
turn  into  food,  that is,  the creative output of the film industry. Their 
titles,  distinguished  and disgusting alike,  can also be turned into tasty 
chicken mcnuggets of fun.

So  get  your  knife and fork,  and sickbag out,  for the Foodie film  named 
     _     _
     '     ' 
"The Good, the Bad, and the Hungry.." (Spaghetti Westerns rule!)

"Jaws." (Of course! But nobody mention shark-fin soup, or else...)

"Close  Encounters  of  the Burger Kind!" (740,000 tonne Big  Mac  in  Alien
mothership contact scam!)

"The French Bread Connection!" (Tense drugs'n baguette themed thriller.)

"Porkies" (What else can we say?!)

"Mary  Poppadoms"  (Wholesome and family friendly Julie  Andrews  in  Indian
food-based image remake shocker!)

"The sound of Muesli!" (The hills are alive, but is Muesli really food?)

"A Clockwork Chocolate Orange." (Banned Kubrick cult classic gets its  first
UK tasting in 30 years!)

"I spit-roast on your grave!" (Video nasty given the suburban patio barbeque

"An American Wafer in London." (Turns crispy when the full moon arises!)

"Saving Private Fryin'" (From the fascistic rigours of the kitchen police?!)

"Citizen Sugar Kane." (All-time greatest, or sweetest?  But  Orson Swells,
if he has too much of it!)

"Grillers in the Mist." (Dohhh!)

"Apacketofcrisps  Now!" (Francis Ford Coppolla's Vietnam allegory seen  from
inside of a packet of Dorito's? Yes, that was stretching things a bit..)

"Full Metal Jacket Potato." (Continuing the Vietnam to carbohydrate link  in
a non-too subtle manner.)

"Toastbusters!" (Who ya gonna call?!)

"James  Bond - Live and Let Fry!" (Roger Moore incarnation of Bond in  early
demonstration of espionage and cooking skills.)

"Zombies, Dawn of the Living Bread!" (The Evil Bread, etc, etc..)

"Star Wars - Return of the Jelly." (Use the fork Luke, the fork!!)

"The  Silence  of the Roast Lambs." (No compilation of this sort  can  avoid
Hannibal Lecter forever!)

"M.A.S.H." (Yes, it was a film, as well as a telly series, never tires, even
after the 4077th helping!)

"Soylent  Green"  (Euurrgh!  Sort  of a genteel and  government  covered  up
style of cannibal holocaust. Coming soon at Macdonalds?!)

"The  Grapes of Wrath." (Are made into a nice Chianti,  to be consumed  with
some favva beans?)

"The Silence of the Spam." (Not only another food-related joke,  but also an
entirely  separate entertaining take on the cannibal killer - He  kills  and
eats  a  junk emailer.  "Three inches in twenty four hours?  How generous of
you! TSssSSSss!!")

"The Eggs-orcist!" (That was even worse than 'Grillers in the Mist' earlier.
Here's  a bit of sample dialogue to take your mind of the worst  effects  of
the pun.  Croaky voiced Demon - "YOUR MOTHER WEARS A DRESS-S-S!!" - Priest -
"Erm yes of course she does, so what?!")

"Smokey  Bacon and the Bandit." (I've really tried to avoid  mentioning  the
fact  that  I've  seen anything with Burt Reynolds in it,  the  horror,  the

"Dr Strangelove, or how I learnt to love the bun." (You had to wait right to
the end for the food related link!)

"Eat Tea!" (E.T. phone home, and cry!)

And  after all this excess of food,  not unsurprisingly the last one of  the
day is: "Cool Hand Puke." (!!)

I'm  sure  there are loads more film titles that can be  edibly  twisted  by
sleight of tongue. Will we got a load more of these on the DHS BBS, for sure
we will!

CiH, For Alive! Mag,Oct '02.

Alive 6