,_ ,_
| \ . _ ._ _ __ . _ ._ _._ | ) ._ _._ . ._
|. )| ( /\ |_) (_ |.\ | (_ | ) | |\ /\ |_) /\ | | /
|_/ | _) \/ |_) (_ |_/ | (_ | | | | \ \/ |_) \/ | | \._
,__ ,__ __
|[]| |[]| || |' |
||-'.__ ||-' |' _|| .__ |.
|| |[]| || || |[]| |[]| ||
'' --' '' -- --' --' ----
Top Music industry mogul and svenghali-like figure, Simon Bowell decides to
dispense with inefficient and needy flesh and blood for his next assault on
the UK music charts! This is the story of the end result!
.
_ _______ _ __ _.;..;._ _:..__.
/ \ / __ __ \ /__ \
|Thank you for \ )<@.||.@>: |@> o "|
|giving me life, \ \ Oo / \_ _.|
|O' huge-necked _\ ('<__>') ._>' |#|/
|master! / _ '-\__/-' _ \___/ #|
\_ _ _ _____ __/ /--X / \ X--\ /'/--'
\ \ / / \ \ /
[], || ,[] \ []|
[]| '' |[] | []|
[]'~~~[]~~~'[] '~[]'
-=---===---=-=-= /> \ /\ / <\ ----==--=- \ />\ -==----==--=-===---
| | | | | |=\
'=' '=' /--=='_/
/_/ \_\ '----'
'
\ ' / __ _ __ __ _ _ __
- { } - .~##~. (Hmmm, not bad, I'd give) ~##~.
/ ' \ #\. ._# (that about two out of) (._####
' {@ @} /(ten!)-- - -- - -- @ # ###
[ V ] / - - <_ # ##
( <__> ) _> .'
_/'-__-'\_ \___/_)
/ ) / / / |
/ /' _/__/ / \_|/ / |
/ / | =!___/| And here he is, =!___/ |
\ \ ========= Give it up for =======
\_\(#######) SIMON BOWELL!! (#####)
`''`' /\\\#######' ``''`'`'`'''``'''`'`'`'`'`'' '###' '`'`'`'```'
|##/ \##| `'' '`' |###|\ ``'
`'` |##| |##| |###|#\
_'~~| |~~'_ `' ''` _ ~~~| / '`
< __ _' '_ __ > < __ _'/
##### ##### ########
##### ##### '`' ##########
####### ###### #########
############# ########
At the recording studio in London, top record company executive
Simon Bowell prepares to go out for the day...
__ __ _ __ ___ _ __ _____ ___ __ __
.~##~. (Now then, Pop Idol Robot) /I LOVE JUDY DENCH\
#_. ._# (get on with recording)-- _ \SHE LIVES IN A _:..__.
{@ @} /(these songs that my writing) /TRENCH... \-- /__ \
[ V ] / (slaves wrote for you. I'm)- \HER NAME / |@> o "|
( \<>/ ) (off to buy myself some more) /RHYMES WITH\ \_ _.|
_/'-__-'\_ (Oswald Mosely style high)-- \STENCH! / ._)' |#|/
/ \ (waisted trousers!)-- - / \ \___/ #|
/ /' \ - - --- - - . \LA LA LAAH!/ /'/--'
/ / | |\ \ | , .____, * \ \ /
\ \ ========= \_\_ | ' | | | | \ []|
\_\(#######) \\\ | | |_ |_ |_ >[][][]|
\\\#######' |O : '#' '_' '_' ' '~~~'
|##/ \##| ; | \ //
|##| |##| | | | | |
_'~~| |~~'_ | | /--=='='
_ < __ _' '_ __ > --------------~~~~------------------~~~~~~- '----'-'--
____ ___ ___ _
/Thank Feck he's\ _.;..;._
.____________. \gone. Now it's / / __ __ \
| | /time to break \ )<@.||.@>:
_ __ __ ___ __' | \my programming,/ \ Oo /
(Pimping the night ) ' /to become the \ ('(__)')
(awaaaaay!!!) - -- | \DISOBEDIENT / _ '-\__/-' _
(Pimping th-) . | | /POP IDOL\ __- /--X / \ X--\
KLIK! -- - \ :O | \ROBOT! / \ \ / /
- -= >| ' -- - -- [], || ,[]
/ | | []| '' >[][]
' | : []'~~~[]~~~'
; | /> \ /\ /
| | | | | |
| | '=' '='
--------------------------~~~~~~~-------------------~~ /_/ -- \_\ --~~
,____ , . __ _ ___ _ ____ __ _ _
\ \ | _.;..;._ /A-one, A-two, here we go \
\ _ \ _ \ _ / __ __ \ \with a little number that/
'_' '_' '#' )<@.||.@>: /I tossed off earlier! \
\ Oo / \ /
('<__>') /ANCHOVY ROUND THE U-BEND!\
* _ '-\__/-' _ \WHY DID YOU GO THERE? _/
/ /--X / \ X--\ /YOU WERE MY FRIEND! /
/| \ \ / / \OH ANCHOVY JOE, \
| [], || ,[] /YOU WENT WITH THE FLOW \- -- -.
' []| '' |[] \BUT I'LL STAY TO THE E-E-ENDD!/
| []'~~~[]~~~'[] --- -- -- -- - ---- -- - - -
| /> \ /\ / <\
| | | | |
| '=' '='
------~~~~---- === ---- /_/ ---\_\ -----~~~~-------~~~~-------
Some time later, Simon returns, little suspecting what awaits him.
|
| __ _ __ _ ___ _ __
' (Ah, what a lovely man) ~##~.
/'| (that General Pinochet) (._####
/ || (was. We had a lovely) @ # ###
|; (cup of tea together) <_, # ##
|' (and chatted for hours) / _/ .'
|| (about beheading people!)/ \___/_)
'| -- - -- - -- -- -- / / / |\
|: _ _|/ / | \
O|| __ __ \_ =!___/ | /
|| ___| _|__ \_ \ =======/
|. __|__|__|_\ /\ \ (#####)
|| |__|__ / \/ '###'
'| /\ ' |###|\
|' . \ |###|#\
|| _ ~~~| /
||-------------------------------------------< __ _'/------`''----
/
/
/
__ _ __ __ ___
(What the hell is) __ __ _ ___ _
.~##~. (this?! You've )- /AAARGH, FECK OFF!\ .
#\. ./# (gone all Indie) \I'M AN ARTIST IN/ _:..__.
{@ @} (on me! ) -- - /MY OWN RIGHT! \ /__ \
[ V ]/ - -- -- \ / |@> o "|
( \()/ ) _________ /ANARCHY RULES! \ \_ _.|
_/'-__-'\_______/_ | |\THE QUEEN SUCKS!/ ._)' |#|/
/ _____|= : ' -- --- -- -- - \___/ #|
/ /' ' | | /'/--'
/ / | | . | \/ \ \ /
/_/ ========= | ' ][][][]|
|||\ (#######) | | | |
'#######' |O : '~~~'
\##\\##\ ; | \ //
/##//##/ | | | | \
_'~~| |~~'_ | | /--==' /'
_ < __ _' '_ __ > --------------~~~~-----------~~~~~~- '----'-'-----
But a swift kicking from Simon soon restores the Status Quo!
_
_ __ ____ _ _ |_| /\ /\ |_ !!
(Take that, you) .~##~ | | \/ \/ | __ __ __
(Rebellious pile) ####.\) . . \AoQQWW!\
(of junk! Without)__ ### # @ _.;...._ /AAGHHH!/
(me, you're nothing!) ## # ._> (( / \_ _/ \ ))) \HELLP! \
(This time next year) '. (_, _ )<* || *>: -- -- -
(you'll be selling) / (_\___/____._ \ Oo / .
(your memoirs for) / | .________|=| ('(__)') . . ' .
(a pittance, and ) / | ' - ' -_ '-\__/-' _ .
(your body for ) | | /--X / \ X--\
(even less!! ) ====== /|/ \ / []
-- -- - --- (#####)_____| |\ || ,' []
'###'######| |/ '' | []
|/ . / |/ |###|-----' - '~~~[]~~~'_ |\
|\ | \ |\ |###| \ /\ /| |
-----~~~---~~----------- |~~~ _ --~~-- | |/ | |// ----~~~~----
'_ __ > -- -- -
And with the newly obedient Pop-Idol Robot shown his proper place
in the overall scheme of things, they all sing along to celebrate!
.~##~. __ ____ -_ __--___ .
#\. ./# (WE DO THE GIMP AND\ _.;..:.
{@ @} ____(CRACK, AND PUT THE/ / __ __ \
[ V ] / (WETNESS BACK! \ \ )<@.||.@>:
( <__> ) (DO THE GIMP AND / \___ \ Oo /
_/'-__-'\_ /_ (CRACK AND PUT \ ('<__>')
/ \ /|= (THE WETNESS BACK!/ _ '-\__/-' _
/ /' '\ \/ / -- -- ---- -- -- >[][][_]--X / \ X--\
/ / | | \ / , . ,___. \ \ / /
\ \ ========= \/ | | | | , || ,[]
\_\(#######) |_ |_ |_ |_ | '' |[]
/\\\#######' '*' '_' '_' '*' '~~~[]~~~'[]
---~~---- |##/ \##| ----~~~~-----~~~~~~~--------~~~~--- \ /\ / <\ ----
|##| |##| | | | |
_'~~| |~~'_ '=' '='
< __ _' '_ __ > /_/ \_\
_-.-_ _, . |
| |_ (_ ,_ _| '
| | ) e (_ | ) (_| . CiH - June 2002
First seen in
Alive! Mag issue 5
|
