Aaargh! It's.....
__ __ __ __
,' -_- ' * _ * ,' -_- ' _-_ _-_
\ . / / -_ \ . / / |# ( ')
\ # / ( \ \ ( >-< \ # / ( # |
/ _#_ \ ) / # ) / _#_ \ \ |# ( ||=-
/_- -_\ \. \' # \. /_- -_\ '-'\ \_.- ...
_ _
|M| e k k a |S| p e c i a | !
-__- -__-
-<{Editorial}>-
Mini-Mag is back, to record all the fun and laughter that went on at the
premier multi-scene Easter party, the Mekka Symposium 2002. And there was
much fun and laughter. But just remember that all you have to do is to add
the letter 's' to the front of 'laughter', and then things start to look
quite a bit different, as this "live from Mekka" edition now reveals!
-<{Opening Ceremony}>-
Which went something like this..
"Hark and beholden on Ye who attend this party. We are the knights who say
Ni!"
No oil was thrown from the battlements of the Heidmark Halle onto the
drunker lamers as far as we remembered, but the currywurst on sale would
have made a pretty good substitute!
-<{Game Reviews}>-
'Arctic Moves' - Are necessary, even within a sleeping bag! Fight to stay
alive within the confines of the coldest sleeping place in the world. Will
beat any survival training currently available for special forces! Currently
running on Motorola Coldfire based systems and soon available on the
Nintendo Icecube! - 40 Eur (entry fee)
'Manic Minor' - Where people party like it is 1989! It's as if you've left
home for the first time in this game, and quite possibly this is the case
for some of you in this coding party simulator? To get maximum points, drink
and smoke like a fifteen year old, and then puke your guts up in the manner
of a forty-seven year old intinerant! Available on the PukeStation 2
- 40 Eur (entry fee)
-<{Advertisments}>-
Cryonics Inc.. Secure cryogenic cold storage for those dead people who want
to be revived in some future golden age. They will be kept at a temperature
as close to absolute zero as possible, guaranteeing a perfect state of
preservation. Contact:- The Sleeping Tent at the back of the Heidmark Halle,
Fallingbostel, Germany. for further details.
The Useless Heating Company.. Hot air directed everywhere except where you
actually need it. Roofing spaces and the portion of the earth's atmosphere
just before it gets to outer space are specialities of ours. Contact:- The
Sleeping Tent at the back of the Heidmark Halle, Fallingbostel, Germany, for
further details.
Be anything you want to be! A lamer, a priest, a cute widdle bunny wabbit,
but especially be the centre of attention from people who will say "What the
fuck does he think he is?!" thanks to Wolfgang's Demo Scener Embarrassing
Costume Hire inc. We are to be found at 12 Dodgystrasse, Fallingbostel,
Germany.
-<{Contact and Meetings}>-
Respect Dude! The Low-Endurance Alcoholics (North West German division) will
meet in the lobby of the Mekka Symposium for heavy booze consumption at
15.00hrs.(Then collapse unconscious afterwards at 15.15hrs in the car park!)
-<{A Tale of Plague and Boils}>-
The party keeps up the medieval theme, maybe a bit too closely? I found the
following on the party itinery.
Sunday, 10.30hrs - Cart to collect discarded beer bottles..
Sunday, 10.45hrs - Cart to collect bodies, "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!"
Soon after, Bagarn starts to come down with a raging fever, so we dial the
"911-Leech" emergency number. A number of unsuitable potions containing
heavy metals, and bloodsucking insects are applied to the patient, but he
draws the line when they attempt experimental surgery on him, based on an
ancient Greek anatomy book that places the womb somewhere in the little
finger!
-<{Atari Compo - Live audio feed from the organisers bunker..}>-
This was picked up just before the screening of the Atari demo competition
entries, by our fly on the wall spycam, with extensive audio recording and
playback features!
ORG 1 "It looks like you stick the video lead in there.."
ORG 2 "Are you sure that's the video, it looks like an audio output to me?"
ORG 1 "Go on, stick it in, they won't notice the difference!"
ORG 2 "It looks really shite and lame, they can't watch this?"
ORG 1 "As I said before, they won't spot the difference, and most of them
won't care!"
-<{Competition winner reviews}>-
PC Demo Winner- 'Fairground Attraction', by sOMeONe or oTHer. Cram those
polygons to the max with this demo, an entire fairground's worth of complex
amusement park machinery is lovingly simulated, down to the last nut and
bolt. But this simulation goes on to include the people one normally finds
in a fairground, so feast your eyes on the joyful children, each
individually rendered, the mysteriously too small hoops that fail to win
prizes, the scam-artists who are running the dodgem cars, and those funny
little home-made cuddly toy prizes that coincide eerily with a drastic fall
in the local domestic cat population and -SNIP!-
Amiga Demo Winner- 'Awesome Thing', By Black Lotus. Eye-melting state of
the art three-dee by longstanding scene veterans, followed by realistic
smoke, and flame effects from the Amiga it is running on, and dammit, if
they haven't actually managed to stimulate the sense of smell with some
bitter acrid choking smoke and --- GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! QUICK!
64ktro Drunkeness - And the winner is, the tall longhaired blonde bloke in a
black coat, seen striding around the party, and who clearly fancies himself
a lot. He was unfortunately witnessed by our spycams at 03.00 on the Sunday
morning sitting slumped at the entrance to the gents toilets, with a small
but growing puddle of vomit appearing at his feet!
Irate Competition- 'We are Third Rate!' by Crimson Arsehole. - DISQUALIFIED
ENTRY - Heyy wow dude! Like we can get this coool footage of the World Trade
Towers attack in our video, if we, like, compare Bill Gates to Osama Bin
Laden. They'll love us sooo much for this!
Atari Demo Competition - Turned into a two horse race, ranked thus..
1. Ephydrain-ia - "I can't see it on this screen!"
2. The Scary Spice Boyz - "Turn the f*cking brightness up!"
Sad Bastard Competition - The bloke who dressed up in a rabbit costume for
the first couple of days. Don't these things get rather hot and sweaty after
a short time? Taken with the lack of cleansing facilities, along with the
enhanced heat and humidity in the main hall, I bet he was a real babe-magnet
by the end of the party!
32k Game Competition- "Elite" (BBC Micro, 32k). An award winning blend of
3D wireframe space combat, and devious trading to upgrade your ship, and
personal rating. Everything you need in a game, and it was written in 1984!
Cool or what!
-<{Closing ceremony}>-
"We were the Knights who said 'Ni!' Now it's over for another year, and you
with the air horn, piss off sharpish before I cut your head off with my
sword!"
-<{The fat annoying bloke sings! (and chants, and whistles...)}>-
This is a special message to the cunt, a couple of rows down the hall, and
off to the right. You were NOT remotely amusing! You are NOT the life and
soul of ANY party! Your airhorn, off-key singing, and amplified running
commentary throughout the party WAS tedious in the extreme! In fact we hope
that realisation of the gaping hole of emptiness at the centre of your soul
catches up with you in such a sudden and violent way, that you decide to put
an end to the farce that is your life, but you make a total cows arse of the
process, so you are left horribly disfigured instead! (Which will be a
several hundred percent improvement on what went before!)
I agree the preceding paragraph is a bit over the top, but I would also say
that if we had to spend another day at Mekka, then the slow death of the
person described above would have been a serious possibility!
-<{The rather sad afterpart}>-
For Sale..
One UK passport, has had one (less than) careful owner (errm, oh dear..)
Apply to 'Terrorists-r-us' The luggage lockers at the back of Central
Station, Amsterdam. Sensible offers only.
CiH, For Alive! Mag, April '02
|
