Petit Suisse
Review
Un Petit Suisse is a fresh cow milk cheese shaped in the form of
a small cylinder. Its origin can be traced back to the Normandy,
where it was invented in the 1850's. In fact a guy from
Switzerland suggested enriching the fresh cheese with c-re(a)m
and so the success story began. Originally these cheese
cylinders came wrapped with a white paper strip and six of them
shared a small wooden box. However the petit suisse in our MJJ
demo comes in a small plastic tub as we will see later. The
whole setup looks suspiciously like a fake demo: Silly name,
weird scrolltexts and an awkward topic, well let's see...
Petit Suisse looks quite antique with oldskool effects like
raster bars, scrollers and distorters. The coders didn't even
care to switch to low rez properly before the main part, so the
whole intro is shown in the wrong resolution if you start it
from ST med rez. As you see it's full of bugs - like promised in
the small scroller. Hehe, at least the MJJ guys stand to their
word. :) The question is, if this "bug" was left by intention to
fit the overall concept, or if just nobody thought about testing
it :) which will lead us to some other thoughts later.
Well, if you switch to low rez manually before starting the
demo, you will see a nicely done MJJ-Prod logo on a greenish-
grey and purple background. As usual c-rem holds responsibility
for the logo. Afterwards some text and the credits are displayed
by a simple scrolling effect. However the colour scheme of the
font surely wasn't the best possible choice.
Until now you could almost take this production for a serious
one. This opinion fades quickly away just after the credits,
when an attention sign with an exclamation mark is shown and you
can read the text "Warning!!! This demo kills the demoscene
spirit!" Hmmm, even if this warning is officially "approved by
T.B.C." I really doubt it. Really! :)
After a dither-fadeout a nicely drawn loading graphic is shown,
consisting of a moon with a mermaid resting on it. I guess Lotek
would love to see the words "Please Wait" scribbled across the
screen ;). In any case, he won't suffer long, because if you are
loading from harddisk the screen is only displayed for the blink
of an eye.
Now the main part is about to come up, and this is the time when
you timetravel straight back into the late eighties or early
nineties. The screen is composed of various oldskool effects. A
disting MJJ-Prod logo on top, a 1 plane flashup logo, rasterbars
and two scrollers plus a "high quality" video animation showing
a petit suisse being dropped onto a plate, removed off the paper
wrap and smeared into someone's face. Hmmm, that sounds
familiar? Where have I seen that before?
Well, what the hell? Are the MJJ guys nuts? Well indeed!
Everybody who knows them in person is aware of that fact.
However I still believe behind all these fun and fake demos they
are working secretly on something big, and all these crappy
screens are only used to distract us and make us think we are
safe. You don't believe it? Well, do the maths for yourself, an
excellent graphics artist like C-Rem, brilliant coders like
Gloky supported soundwise by the incredible DMA-SC. What do you
expect on the other side of the equation? Let's wait and see, I
have the feeling something big is heading our way...
For your pleasure and because nobody reads scrolltexts anymore I
ripped the important messages from the demo, which was no big
deal, since the demo wasn't packed or encoded, (in fact even
Cosmo could have done it, hmmm wait... No! :). Anyway proceed on
your own risk from now on :)
Cyclone / X-Troll for Alive, 2005-09-16
Appendix A
Scrolltext of the small Scroller
Here is our recipe for a good Petit Suisse... First you open the
lid of the Petit Suisse. Let it drop onto a plate, it's harder
than it looks. Next, remove the paper label... A true Petit
Suisse comes with a label That's what makes it special. Before
the next step, put a towel around Smith's neck, apply over the
face. Yum it's good. Now you know MJJ's secret technique.
Credits
Camera: Niko
Hands: Bigfoot and Wilfried
Head: Smith
Kitchen: Mammy's
Petit Suisse by Gervais
Video capture thing loaned by: Can't remember
Try it yourself at home when your parents are away This film was
made a decade before Jackass. Maybe we are an influence to them.
When we don't eat Petit Suisse we like to: Make demos, Drink
apricot juice, Cross-dress, Hold Stranger from behind, Own a
Ship-It Award from Bill, Read rave reviews of our demos, Send
mails announcing the end of the universe, Disappear off the face
of the planet, Be full of bugs, Sell laptops, poodles, etc. Draw
women with no clothes on, Karate-kick to extinguish street
lights, Collect ladybirds and last but not least... Come up with
an embarrassing name. The list is longer but I must stop.
I would like to dedicate this demo to Therese, but I won't
because she won't watch it anyway. This was made for fun. These
films were made in 1992, so was all the code by Bigfoot. The
graphics were made by C-Rem in 2003, except the fonts, this one
(cxt: the small one) made by Bigfoot and the big font by Niko,
in the early nineties. I didn't check the time...
It's bed time for me and wrap time for you! Wrapppp....
Wrararapp.... Wrarararaparap... Sparadrap...
Appendix B
Scrolltext of the big Scroller
Yo piches! Welcome to the "Petit Suisse" screen, which is mostly
made of stuff that is eleven years old. We are not giving up yet
and you might see more screens from us in a decade, when we are
forty years old.
We know how crap the videos are, but they are vintage! They show
how sad we used to be. Are you able to read both scrollers?
Maybe you are one of the people who could see those weird three-
D pictures when squinting? Mon petit poney, mon petit poney,
tralala lala.
The music is from the game Garfield, ripped from a really cool
old intro by the Replicants Time to wrap this now, see you!
Wrap!
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