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Alive 11
Petit Suisse Review
       Un Petit Suisse is a fresh cow milk cheese shaped in the form of 
       a small cylinder. Its origin can be traced back to the Normandy, 
       where it was invented in the 1850's. In fact a guy from 
       Switzerland suggested enriching the fresh cheese with c-re(a)m 
       and so the success story began. Originally these cheese 
       cylinders came wrapped with a white paper strip and six of them 
       shared a small wooden box. However the petit suisse in our MJJ 
       demo comes in a small plastic tub as we will see later. The 
       whole setup looks suspiciously like a fake demo: Silly name, 
       weird scrolltexts and an awkward topic, well let's see...
        Petit Suisse looks quite antique with oldskool effects like
        raster bars, scrollers and distorters. The coders didn't even
        care to switch to low rez properly before the main part, so the
        whole intro is shown in the wrong resolution if you start it
        from ST med rez. As you see it's full of bugs - like promised in
        the small scroller. Hehe, at least the MJJ guys stand to their
        word. :) The question is, if this "bug" was left by intention to
        fit the overall concept, or if just nobody thought about testing
        it :) which will lead us to some other thoughts later.

        Well, if you switch to low rez manually before starting the
        demo, you will see a nicely done MJJ-Prod logo on a greenish-
        grey and purple background. As usual c-rem holds responsibility
        for the logo. Afterwards some text and the credits are displayed
        by a simple scrolling effect. However the colour scheme of the
        font surely wasn't the best possible choice.

        Until now you could almost take this production for a serious
        one. This opinion fades quickly away just after the credits,
        when an attention sign with an exclamation mark is shown and you
        can read the text "Warning!!! This demo kills the demoscene
        spirit!" Hmmm, even if this warning is officially "approved by
        T.B.C." I really doubt it. Really! :)

        After a dither-fadeout a nicely drawn loading graphic is shown,
        consisting of a moon with a mermaid resting on it. I guess Lotek
        would love to see the words "Please Wait" scribbled across the
        screen ;). In any case, he won't suffer long, because if you are
        loading from harddisk the screen is only displayed for the blink
        of an eye.

        Now the main part is about to come up, and this is the time when
        you timetravel straight back into the late eighties or early
        nineties. The screen is composed of various oldskool effects. A
        disting MJJ-Prod logo on top, a 1 plane flashup logo, rasterbars
        and two scrollers plus a "high quality" video animation showing
        a petit suisse being dropped onto a plate, removed off the paper
        wrap and smeared into someone's face. Hmmm, that sounds
        familiar? Where have I seen that before?

        Well, what the hell? Are the MJJ guys nuts? Well indeed!
        Everybody who knows them in person is aware of that fact.
        However I still believe behind all these fun and fake demos they
        are working secretly on something big, and all these crappy
        screens are only used to distract us and make us think we are
        safe. You don't believe it? Well, do the maths for yourself, an
        excellent graphics artist like C-Rem, brilliant coders like
        Gloky supported soundwise by the incredible DMA-SC. What do you
        expect on the other side of the equation? Let's wait and see, I
        have the feeling something big is heading our way...

        For your pleasure and because nobody reads scrolltexts anymore I
        ripped the important messages from the demo, which was no big
        deal, since the demo wasn't packed or encoded, (in fact even
        Cosmo could have done it, hmmm wait... No! :). Anyway proceed on
        your own risk from now on :)

       Cyclone / X-Troll for Alive, 2005-09-16

Appendix A
        Scrolltext of the small Scroller

        Here is our recipe for a good Petit Suisse... First you open the
        lid of the Petit Suisse. Let it drop onto a plate, it's harder
        than it looks. Next, remove the paper label... A true Petit
        Suisse comes with a label That's what makes it special. Before
        the next step, put a towel around Smith's neck, apply over the
        face. Yum it's good. Now you know MJJ's secret technique.


        Camera: Niko

        Hands: Bigfoot and Wilfried

        Head: Smith

        Kitchen: Mammy's

        Petit Suisse by Gervais

        Video capture thing loaned by: Can't remember

        Try it yourself at home when your parents are away This film was
        made a decade before Jackass. Maybe we are an influence to them.
        When we don't eat Petit Suisse we like to: Make demos, Drink
        apricot juice, Cross-dress, Hold Stranger from behind, Own a
        Ship-It Award from Bill, Read rave reviews of our demos, Send
        mails announcing the end of the universe, Disappear off the face
        of the planet, Be full of bugs, Sell laptops, poodles, etc. Draw
        women with no clothes on, Karate-kick to extinguish street
        lights, Collect ladybirds and last but not least... Come up with
        an embarrassing name. The list is longer but I must stop.

        I would like to dedicate this demo to Therese, but I won't
        because she won't watch it anyway. This was made for fun. These
        films were made in 1992, so was all the code by Bigfoot. The
        graphics were made by C-Rem in 2003, except the fonts, this one
        (cxt: the small one) made by Bigfoot and the big font by Niko,
        in the early nineties. I didn't check the time...

        It's bed time for me and wrap time for you! Wrapppp....
        Wrararapp.... Wrarararaparap... Sparadrap...

Appendix B
        Scrolltext of the big Scroller

        Yo piches! Welcome to the "Petit Suisse" screen, which is mostly
        made of stuff that is eleven years old. We are not giving up yet
        and you might see more screens from us in a decade, when we are
        forty years old.

        We know how crap the videos are, but they are vintage! They show
        how sad we used to be. Are you able to read both scrollers?
        Maybe you are one of the people who could see those weird three-
        D pictures when squinting? Mon petit poney, mon petit poney,
        tralala lala.

        The music is from the game Garfield, ripped from a really cool
        old intro by the Replicants Time to wrap this now, see you!

Alive 11