AN
ALMOST TRUE
INTERVIEW WITH
SCHEME
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Scheme (also known as Cosmo ?) appeared on our Scene (too ?) many months
ago tho we still don't know a lot about this mysterious guy : is he a
member of Construct Development, of the KGB or is he simply high on drugs?
Our special investigator STS dared meet him in a dark alley, behind a
Chinese restaurant, surrounded by stinking garbage. Better pinch your nose
and get prepared for... the TRUTH !
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STS : Hi Scheme or whoever you may be, please give us more info about
yourself like the usual stuff : name, age, occupation, scene status and so
on...
Scheme : I won't give you my real name, the FBI is only waiting for that
and I'm pretty sure some of the guys on IRC are spies. They have never
managed to get me and won't be able to get me at all ! My age is somewhere
between 13 and 72, my occupation is kept secret but you can call me "deep
throat" if you want.
STS : Deep throat ? From a porn movie or from the Watergate case ? Woh I
wish I had told someone where I am, in case my body should be found cold
and dry among the garbage ! I remember you telling me that you were some
worldwide famous hacker, can we hope to learn more ?
Scheme : hmm, just let me tell you that ATARI once stole the ST blueprint
from me, that's enough I guess for the moment. As a revenge I decided to
crack ALL games on Atari platforms and so I did ! Other hackers only stole
my work and put their name instead. And who do you think managed to crack
GodPey and Pacman ?
STS : have you belonged to other crews before ? What about Construct
Development ? Is still still alive ? Are you also a member of STAX ?
Scheme : well apart from the ATARI ST development team, I was the founder
of TEX, the Lost Boys, the Carebears and many others. I've always enjoyed
sharing my knowledge with rookies and thought that once they had learnt to
survive, I could leave and form a new crew. Hence you can consider that
about 70 % of all time democrews were created by me. But I guess that the
people I've helped so much will tell you the opposite. Suckers ! As for my
current crews, well I've renamed Construct to DEconstruct because we do a
lot of things and then destroy our prods before release, just to make sure
no one will try to rip my magic sources ! As for STAX, we're working on the
sequel to "Zombie Apocalypse". It's called : "Zombies go to Disneyland" and
it's gonna be another hit for sure !
STS : hmm that tells a lot and I feel that we're coming closer to danger
zone. Better move onto another topic : what are your so many projects since
you seem so busy with creating new games ?
Scheme : Well I already have started porting Mortal Kombat to the ST and so
far about 40 sprites have been ripped, not to forget the title screen. In
other words, the game development is going well. Tho I'm willing to handle
such ambitious project all alone, every support is welcome ! At the moment
I would need : a very skilled ASM coder, two or more gfxmen, one musician
and maybe someone who could rip all gfx from the original Mortal Kombat.
Except for these, you can say the game is almost completed and should be
out around 2007. Btw an STe + CT60 is required for smooth game.
STS : oki I see, then maybe you have other projects ? Well we are all aware
that posting crap, erm I meant messages, on DHS grabs a lot of your time.
You mentioned a revamped version of SuperCars 2, what about it ?
Scheme : were you some professional reporter, you would have noticed that
I've released a preview showing the ripped title screen and a couple of
other ripped graphics. Enough to show that the game will rock the Scene !
But it will be more than a mere porting !
STS : yeah especially since... SuperCars 2 was released in 1991. (Silence
suddenly invades the cold and deserted alley and nothing is to be heard but
two cats fighting over uneaten sushi...)
Scheme : erm, you sure ? Yeah of course I knew it ! But we plan to make it
more like a porting of "Grand Theft Auto" now since the basic game seemed
too plain. For STe owners with a CT60 we even plan to have 3D gfx with
automatic smoothing ! For the others, fake 3D will be offered but you can
still enjoy the game fully ! You'll be able to pick up about 50 different
vehicles, enter all buildings, talk with interactive non player characters
and even rape old ladies on the pavement !
STS : uh ?? Sounds, well, interesting... Except for the last part :) I
cannot wait to be able to play the game ! Btw I forgot to remind you that
only Falcon users can add a CT60 to their machine (stupid typo from me I
guess). What about the future then ?
Scheme : well, once we have shown the Scene that we rule (AGAIN!) we hope
some shrines will be built all over the world, so that we feel enough
feedback is here to go on. Now I'll tell you -another- secret but keep it
to the dozen people who will read this lame magazine please.
STS : ok, tell us, we cannot wait (yawn yawn, it's getting late). You plan
to port Space Invaders to the Falcon ? Something even bigger ? Crazier ?
Scheme : yeah indeed, soon after our GTA clone is released we'll really
start with the REAL STUFF. Ever seen that lame Wolf 3D porting by Ray of
tSCc ? We'll do better and directly port DOOM 3 to the ST ! I have already
ripped the DOOM logo and also ripped 2 sampled fx ! No doubt we'll release
the game long before that guy Ray !
STS : Oki now, really I think you should stop using your father's peecee
and bore the grown ups with your stories. Be a nice kid and go back to bed,
it's almost 9 at night ! Before you leave, please fill in the blanks in our
customized brainstorming :
S : Super ME !
C : Creativity is my second name !
H : High ? On what ?
E : Extremely Super, that's ME !
M : ME, ME, ME ! I just love me so much !
E : Extremely super and even moooooore ! I rule this world ah ah ah !
O : Orgasm is what I feel when I read my postings on DHS again
F : Fucking is something I've never done but once with a hen
C : Cosmo is a LAMER ! I'm not Cosmo, I'm not him ! He sucks, I don't !
O : organizations, they want to get my skin, but they'll never get me !
N : no no, no no no no, no there's no limiiiiiiiit !
S : Suckers, too many in the Scene, I'd say about 95% of you guys
T : Triumph will be mine soon and you'll bow down on me !
R : Redemption I shall give you... or not !
U : Uranus ? Is it some body part having to do with the anus ?
C : CT60, surely the best modem for the STe !
T : Tea for two and two for tea ! (sorry but guys with moustache make me
horny !)
STS : okiiiii... Erm what to say now ? You seemingly have troubles with
yourself but that happens to a lot of teenagers so don't worry ! You'll
eventually grow hair on some parts of your body and... Bah the rest you'll
see soon enough. Anything you want to add before going to bed ?
Scheme : be respectful to me, without me you would be NOTHING ! I want to
remind all of you that I am your one and only GOD ! Just wait another 10
years and you'll see how many releases I've brought you ! Special greetings
to my Mom.
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Of course, this interview was a fake but somehow it openly reads what many
of us think about the guy. I don't mean to insult Scheme but I'm gradually
getting pissed off by his many announcments on DHS that lead to NOTHING !!
Except for a lame game labelled STAX, have we ever seen real stuff by the
guy ? And I'm not counting compilations of so called hacked games, better
download PHF stuff if you want real compils...
Feel free to send me nasty comments at survivor@atari.org but remember :
internet can be a nasty tool when used by children ! :)
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