BEIGE FLAG!
Though Cowards Flinch?
The Red Flag song gets the Political Correctness treatment!
It is the opening salvo of the 21st Century. No sacred cows will pass our
critical gaze, no institution is too grand to be completely remade! The
prevailing wisdom of the age is Political Correctness, where the bland shall
lead the bland, fearing nothing, but that which is distinctive, which stands
out from the crowd, which might just give offence, to someone, somewhere?
Our subject for today, is the revolutionary battle anthem, 'The Red Flag'
written by Jim Connell. We at the Political Reality and Transformation
Society (P.R.A.T.S for short!) are deeply concerned that many people of a
leftist bent, are still singing this in a provocative fashion. If we can
constructively change 'God save the King' to a more acceptable format such
as 'Non-specific deity or imaginary mental construct assist the
meriotocratically chosen executive decision maker of non-specific gender',
then surely the Red Flag is due a timely overhaul of its own?
Here are the full and unexpurgiated lyrics as they are at present.
The Red Flag
The people's flag is deepest red,
It shrouded oft our martyred dead,
And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,
Their hearts blood dyed its every fold.
Then raise the scarlet standard high. (chorus)
Within its shade we'll live and die,
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We'll keep the red flag flying here.
Look round, the Frenchman loves its blaze,
The sturdy German chants its praise,
In Moscow's vaults its hymns are sung
Chicago swells the surging throng.
It waved above our infant might,
When all ahead seemed dark as night;
It witnessed many a deed and vow,
We must not change its colour now.
It well recalls the triumphs past,
It gives the hope of peace at last;
The banner bright, the symbol plain,
Of human right and human gain.
It suits today the weak and base,
Whose minds are fixed on pelf and place
To cringe before the rich man's frown,
And haul the sacred emblem down.
With heads uncovered swear we all
To bear it onward till we fall;
Come dungeons dark or gallows grim,
This song shall be our parting hymn.
Now this really can't stand unaltered, our version follows, with suitably
altered Lyrics, and a brief explanation at the end of the verse as to what
has been done.
The Beige Flag
The people's flag is at its best as beige
It shrouded the need for outrage,
And as their limbs grew less than warm,
We're thankful for a well-kept lawn.
(The overriding change has to be the colour. A bright red does not suit the
majority of home improvement schemes, and a more subtle and less
overwhelming colour was chosen. Frankly, with violent forms of self-
expression being disapproved of, the ability of cloth to hide bloodstains
has less and less value now. Beige was the top choice, as it is the colour
that most people living in this post-industrial, post-ironic, second class
delivery society, aspire to being.)
Then raise the beige banner high.. (Chorus)
Carefully though, or you'll have his eye, (out)
Though PR's spin and pundits sneer,
We'll keep the beige flag flying near.
(Mostly self-explanatory. Safety advice, as contained in the second line is
good, more revolutionary battle-hymns should have this. How much more useful
would the Marseillaise have been, with some sort of warning against picking
up lead poisoning from absently sucking on musket balls between volleys?)
Look round, the French enjoy its tone,
Enough of them, what of the third world zone?
The Africans are none too sure..
And Asians resist the beige allure.
(The Red Flag is showing its age in the original. With Eurocentric concerns
that are rooted in 1910. It is really time to update and reflect the reality
of a wider world out there people!)
It waved above our daycare centre,
When signs around said "No one enter!"
The violent red shade caused a row,
It really needs to change colour now!
(This verse was adjusted to fall into line with current political realities.
To be honest, the majority of protestable issues nowadays are rather more
prosaic, than the all-out blood and thunder approach demanded by old-time
revolutionaries. Did they think of providing wheelchair access when they
were storming the winter palace? I think not!)
Beige is the colour for the present,
It takes us back to 1997;
The banner subtle, the symbol tasteful,
Nice people like us don't make a fuss!
(Four lines to encapsulate our whole philosophy! Damn hot! Further comment
is superfluous!)
The pseuds today flock to Homebase,
Whose minds are fixed on shelf and space.
They cringe before the shade of brown,
And haul the patterned throw-rug down.
(Important message here too people. Success or failure doesn't matter. But
it does have to look good. Surface appearances count, but don't scratch to
try to find anything deeper!)
With hair trimmed back, no swearing allowed,
To wave it in front of the televised crowd;
Come probation light, or verbal warning keen,
This song will be our ongoing theme!
(Nothing can stop us now! Learn these words fully! Think nice thoughts!
Anyone being rude and disrespectful can expect to get a lethal injection!
What do you mean you didn't know about our little change of the law?
Ignorance is no excuse!)
Hacked about mercilessly by CiHin Nov' 2003..
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