IF
IT GOES WRONG..
A CT60 Warranty Claim!
Or what happens, when you install your brand new CT60 in the most unusual
of places!
Talk about re-using old material! Yes, it is, but I was recently re-
reading the vast and legendary Ascii-Nation story, trying to pillage some
fresh ideas from this old corpse, when I spotted the following picture..
\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:\:
_I've got a horrible feeling _______ All systems are down!
:' . of Deja-Vu from :' ': Hull breaches on decks
| . . sSSSSSs / the beginning| | O . | three, five and nine!
| . SS{@ @}SS of chapter | | . | \
'. S;( v );S nine! . ' ' . .. . ' :. /||||\
| sss\(_)/sss . .. | | . . |.:::' ( ! ! )
'__ _ .'-'. _ _ ______' '_______' '::' s-Q--Q-s
/ ':~~~:' \ |///_. _ _ ___________:_ [ / ]
| ) ) . \/-/ /| / /CT60fizz!/| { -v-- }
| |\ / \ / =/ | / /=== ==== === =/ | /''''''_/\/\/\/\/\
| | |,,,| \/ ==| | : |== ===== ==== | | {( )\
--- |~|/.....\ == ==: /--: |== ======= = | |---(_._._._._._._._._ )\_
/|||( v ) ___ _.|/ |_|._____ ______ |/ .^----^. \__ \
: | : ___ ___ / \ \/
: | : / \ / \ /_ _ \ They're
| | | /\| |/\ //_\ /~\ \ boarding
:_' '_: / \ / \ |\__\ /__/ | the ship,
/ || || \ \@ / \@ / |\ <v> /| and heading
Never mind! I'm \/ \/ ||\ /|| this way!
sure it'll turn \\ // |||\ .__. /|||
out fine! \ /\ /\ \| '.__.' |/
/| V |\ | |
Now overcome the moment of nostalgic reflection, and look more closely at
the picture. The ImPonance control console with 'CT60' written on it...
Now this story was put together in early 2001, when the CT60 was still in
its early stages of development. It was an optimistic pipedream, and
little did we suspect that it would take as long a time as it did to
appear, or that Rodolphe would stick with the project right to the bitter
end, come to think.
Now I've gone from the CT60 being a throwaway sight-gag, to a physical
not-yet-installed as of time of writing reality. It lurks in its box
waiting for me to get off my arse and do something with it, or ask someone
else to do something with it..
At the same time, I am led to think of the unfortunate demise of the CT60
fitted on the ImPonance flight deck. I'll bet that Wevl modded it to run
at 100 mhz too, he's that kind of a Barnard Star slugbeast! Indeed, I'm
sure in the post-battle euphoria, Wevl would be motivated to try to claim
a warranty repair from our man Czuba. The following correspondence shows
what transpired!
X-Commander W'Evil
The Rebel Alliance HQ.
c/o Bulk Freighter ImPonance
No fixed spacial co-ordinates
But engines dead and stuck somewhere in the Coalsack Nebula,
(if you must ask!)
July 31st 8003,
Dear Rodolphe,
If I may call you that?
I recently received my CT60 board, pre-loaded with '060 cpu, which I
ordered from yourself. As one of the listed developers ("Will be
developing Nav/attack flight systems for interstellar work") I was very
pleased with my beta copy.
The pleasure continued when I installed it in the central processing array
of my prime spacial craft, the bulk freighter ImPonance. Testing and
integration with my existing systems proceeded very smoothly. It proved
easy to convert my existing applications to run on it. Even warp-implosion
coil temperature manager under MinT. Solitaire was a bugger to get going
though.
Before much more time had passed, I was able to flight-test the new set-
up. However, what started as a routine proving cruise, turned into a
crisis of intergalactic proportions! A very good female friend of mine,
one Princess Oranjeboom, had fallen into the hands of the evil
Sinclairomorph empire. Certain intimate apparel of hers had fallen into my
hands! Soon after, she managed to get herself rescued, and came to me for
assistance. Unfortunately, she brought along this heroic clot called Ham
Yumyum. The effect of his arrival, was to bring down the Sinclairomorph
hordes against the meagre forces at my disposal.
To cut a long, and tedious, and messy story short, the ensuing battle
inflicted severe damage on the ImPonance, and my precious CT60 was making
a sultry fizzing noise and a smell not unlike cheese and onion crisps
(burnt!) A superficial check revealed that it was completely non-
functional. A sad state of affairs which remains unchanged to this day.
I therefore return the damaged board for your kind attention, and I also
respectfully ask if this could be repaired free of charge under the
warranty that you offer?
Pretty please?
W'Evil (Distinguished Dysentry order with (chocolate) bar)
Rodolphe Czuba
'Dunsoldering'
La Rue de le Oscilloscope
Somewhere or other
La Belle Francaise
Aout the 20th, 2003
What is this year 8003 business? You are committing grave error running
CT60 in a different spacial time dimension?? My products are guaranteed
until year 3000 only! At that stage, you should definitely send your Atari
at the retirement!
As to the other query. It is surely clear that my warranty does not cover
the misapplication of the CT60 product in a battle situation. Any dammages
that may come from that, are a liability entirely of your own!
I can tell you that attempting to repair is out of the question too. Of
the original, there is very little left. And that which is left, smells of
le nightmare cooking Anglaise! The very scent of which makes my guts puke
at the retirement!
So for your CT60, the scenario is entirely hopeless. But I have closely
studied your specific requirements, and for a certain price of 300 eur, I
can offer a modified version of my prototype RioRed PPC board with G4
processing. This will have the emulation of the '060 provided, and
additional benefits of the EMP hardening for charged particle offensives
against your hull.
Also solitaire is made ready for this.
I regret I cannot help the CT60, she is beyond help, but I hope for the
RioRed proposal acceptance.
Bonne nuit!
Rodolphe (yes you can call me that!)
CiH, for Alive Mag,sometime in 2003.
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