She's been a very very naughty girl!
SAVAGE LOVE, Healthy and Natural, by Dan Savage (10/03/02)
This was something that I dragged up off the 'web, Cruel Site of the Day, to
be precise. The initial "embarrassed mother of Maine" query is interesting
in itself, but probably not totally unfeasible. For me, the really amusing
part is in the vehemence of the agony aunt's reply. I don't know what a
'Dildo Fatwa' is, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to find out!
- Grabbed by CiH, Oct '02
This is a fairly embarrassing situation for myself and my husband--I hope
you will consider helping. Not too long ago, we came home from a night at
the theater and found my 14-year-old daughter "experimenting" with one of my
dildos. Needless to say, we were both mortified. My husband quickly exited
the room and left me to deal with it. My daughter claims she found it while
innocently looking through my closet (something she is not allowed to do).
She says she was "curious" and "just playing."
I have since thrown the dildo away, as well as my other one and the
vibrator. I have decided that these sorts of materials are inappropriate for
a household with teenagers. My daughter was grounded for a week, and now we
don't speak of the incident. My husband has never mentioned it once.
Should I dredge this up again, Dan? Or move on? The feelings of
embarrassment are lingering. Have I harmed my daughter?
Traumatized Over Youngster:
Sorry, mom, but however mortified you were by the sight of your daughter
impaling herself on your dildo, you MUST speak of this incident again. You
MUST sit your daughter down, look her straight in the eye, and you MUST say
the following: "Please accept my apology. I've been such a dumb bitch about
all of this and I hope you'll forgive me." Then hand your daughter a nicely
wrapped package. Inside the package? A dildo of her very own. Then you MUST
say this: "Like all girls your age, you're curious about sex, and your
hormones are raging, and you're old enough to masturbate, and masturbation
is healthy and natural. Your desire to experiment with penetration is
likewise healthy and natural. You're no longer grounded, and as we speak
your father is putting a lock on your bedroom door, so that you can
masturbate in total privacy. Now get out of my sight, you little scamp."
(HA HA HA AH, AAAGH!)
Look, lady, teenagers masturbate for pleasure, to release sexual tension,
and to alleviate their fears about sex (what is it going to feel like?).
Your daughter's curiosity about penetration is natural and healthy. Teenage
boys experiment with penetration all the time. With a little hand lotion and
a clenched fist, a straight boy can simulate vaginal intercourse. Teenage
girls who want to simulate vaginal intercourse don't have it quite so easy.
They need a stand-in for cock, and, as a parent, you should be proud that
your daughter was smart enough to use something designed for vaginal
penetration. Do you have any idea how many girls wind up in emergency rooms
every year because they "lost" pens, pencils, hot dogs, or cucumbers inside
themselves? do you have any idea how many girls do themselves real and
lasting damage experimenting with bottles, broom handles, hammers, and Ken
dolls? (Alive! Ed falls down, choking with laughter at this point!)
So, mom, lighten up. It wasn't "your fault," i.e., dildos in the house
didn't put the idea in your daughter's head. Fourteen-year-old girls know
what vaginal intercourse is, and they're curious about it and experiment
with it, dildos or no dildos. And look on the bright side, mom: If your
daughter didn't find your dildos you might have come home to find your
daughter bleeding internally after using something inappropriate to satisfy
her curiosity. Actually, you may yet come home to that. With your idiot
dildo fatwa in effect, your daughter is likelier to explore her curiosity
about penetration with whatever is handy. If you want to avoid a trip to the
emergency room (or avoid feeling queasy every time you cut up a cucumber for
a salad), you need to buy your daughter a dildo of her own.
Dan Savage's new book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and
the Pursuit of Happiness in America (Dutton), goes on sale October 10. (More
info at skippingtowards- gomorrah.com.) Send your Savage Love questions to
firstname.lastname@example.org. Copyright 2002 TheStranger.com