FOODIE FILM
NAMES!
by Phil Space, aka CiH.
You remember the spate of famous demo names being given a food-related
twist. For a couple of days, the 'Onion demo', and all its ilk, were all
over the DHS bulletin board like a nasty little rash down below. Now I've
got to thinking of an even bigger and more distinguished body of work to
turn into food, that is, the creative output of the film industry. Their
titles, distinguished and disgusting alike, can also be turned into tasty
chicken mcnuggets of fun.
So get your knife and fork, and sickbag out, for the Foodie film named
roadshag!
_ _
)(.)-=-(.)(
' '
"The Good, the Bad, and the Hungry.." (Spaghetti Westerns rule!)
"Jaws." (Of course! But nobody mention shark-fin soup, or else...)
"Close Encounters of the Burger Kind!" (740,000 tonne Big Mac in Alien
mothership contact scam!)
"The French Bread Connection!" (Tense drugs'n baguette themed thriller.)
"Porkies" (What else can we say?!)
"Mary Poppadoms" (Wholesome and family friendly Julie Andrews in Indian
food-based image remake shocker!)
"The sound of Muesli!" (The hills are alive, but is Muesli really food?)
"A Clockwork Chocolate Orange." (Banned Kubrick cult classic gets its first
UK tasting in 30 years!)
"I spit-roast on your grave!" (Video nasty given the suburban patio barbeque
treatment!)
"An American Wafer in London." (Turns crispy when the full moon arises!)
"Saving Private Fryin'" (From the fascistic rigours of the kitchen police?!)
"Citizen Sugar Kane." (All-time greatest, or sweetest? But Orson Swells,
if he has too much of it!)
"Grillers in the Mist." (Dohhh!)
"Apacketofcrisps Now!" (Francis Ford Coppolla's Vietnam allegory seen from
inside of a packet of Dorito's? Yes, that was stretching things a bit..)
"Full Metal Jacket Potato." (Continuing the Vietnam to carbohydrate link in
a non-too subtle manner.)
"Toastbusters!" (Who ya gonna call?!)
"James Bond - Live and Let Fry!" (Roger Moore incarnation of Bond in early
demonstration of espionage and cooking skills.)
"Zombies, Dawn of the Living Bread!" (The Evil Bread, etc, etc..)
"Star Wars - Return of the Jelly." (Use the fork Luke, the fork!!)
"The Silence of the Roast Lambs." (No compilation of this sort can avoid
Hannibal Lecter forever!)
"M.A.S.H." (Yes, it was a film, as well as a telly series, never tires, even
after the 4077th helping!)
"Soylent Green" (Euurrgh! Sort of a genteel and government covered up
style of cannibal holocaust. Coming soon at Macdonalds?!)
"The Grapes of Wrath." (Are made into a nice Chianti, to be consumed with
some favva beans?)
"The Silence of the Spam." (Not only another food-related joke, but also an
entirely separate entertaining take on the cannibal killer - He kills and
eats a junk emailer. "Three inches in twenty four hours? How generous of
you! TSssSSSss!!")
"The Eggs-orcist!" (That was even worse than 'Grillers in the Mist' earlier.
Here's a bit of sample dialogue to take your mind of the worst effects of
the pun. Croaky voiced Demon - "YOUR MOTHER WEARS A DRESS-S-S!!" - Priest -
"Erm yes of course she does, so what?!")
"Smokey Bacon and the Bandit." (I've really tried to avoid mentioning the
fact that I've seen anything with Burt Reynolds in it, the horror, the
shame!)
"Dr Strangelove, or how I learnt to love the bun." (You had to wait right to
the end for the food related link!)
"Eat Tea!" (E.T. phone home, and cry!)
And after all this excess of food, not unsurprisingly the last one of the
day is: "Cool Hand Puke." (!!)
I'm sure there are loads more film titles that can be edibly twisted by
sleight of tongue. Will we got a load more of these on the DHS BBS, for sure
we will!
CiH, For Alive! Mag,Oct '02.
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