Scene-themed accessories for the modern lifestyle!
Here we consider the ultimate in lifestyle themed mail order
catalogues, as it is about time that we got demo scene based artefacts
and accessories, especially customised just for us. This is a sample of
what this might just look like?
The Nokkiyum MS-50 Modphone
The first in a new generation of Mobile phones, which dispenses with
the sub-ZX Spectrum sounding monotone ring tones. This adds in a new
simcard with a bit more memory, and a central CPU with an added Amiga
Paula soundchip emulator. The built-in software includes a mobile phone
adapted version of the Protracker playback routines. This model can
store up to six tunes. Your favourite acid-jazz classic tune from the
mid-nineties can be loaded in via the two-way headphone/microphone
jack. It comes in several different colours, including Exceptions Amiga
demo, and Helsinki Sunset!
Ordering Price - 150 EUR
The Ewewrecksson BFG4000 Wadphone
A rival Swedish company attempts their own push for the style conscious
demo scene mobile phone owning niche, with the Wadphone. This stores
your favourite levels from the famous classic arcade game 'Doom', and
allows you to play these in a crude and grotty ZX81-esque style, on a
tiny LCD display. A Demon skin carrying case is included in the special
Ordering Price - 200 EUR, or 250 Swedish Meatballs!
The Fony PS-Watch
The newest mobile adaptation of Playstation technology hits the streets
shortly! Make your sad Colour Gameboy mates puke with envy! The entire
Playstation hardware has been compressed into a unit the size of a
wrist-watch! A state of the art minature colour screen mounted on the
dial has been included. At time of writing, Fony are still trying to
resolve some reliability issues with the forearm-mounted CD-ROM holder,
so release has been delayed for six months.
Ordering Price - 15000 Yen (for a minimum order of 1 Dozen)
The Hanging Mouse-mat of Babylon (by Garden of Eden Ltd)
This is possibly the ultimate accessory for the style and eco-conscious
scener. A multilayered inspiration, with exotic tropical plants
trailing from the balconies, made from authentic rubble dug up from the
5th century B.C. !! Needs extra-long trailing cable (optional). Comes
with a free idol to worship, whilst stocks last!
Ordering Price - 30 EUR, or three goats and a first-born child!
The MFI Eezi-Float(TM) Inflata-Desk!
Those brave Netherlands folk are well used to passing large volumes of
water, but everyone else seems to have had some sort of urinary tract
or more general flooding problems recently. If you are sick and tired
of dragging heavy computers and accessories onto higher and drier
ground, then the inflata-desk most definitely is for you. It is a
normal computer desk, but cunningly adapted to use car airbag
technology in the event of a flood.
It can be user-activated at the press of a discreet button hidden
underneath, or automatically triggered by rising flood water touching a
sensor. It has been cleared to support the weight of a desk tower,
monitor and printer, and allow you to carry on computing, even whilst
the floods increase. WARNING! User may risk electrocution! It comes in
shades of cinnamon, and Mr Pink.
Ordering Price - 50 EUR, or ten sandbags
The Dassault/BAe/Viggen Quantum D.U. Drive!
This is a pristine ex-military NATO issue replacement floppy disk drive
mechanism. Its special feature is that it is made from depleted
uranium. Therefore, it is half the price of conventionally made
mechanisms, twice as reliable, and gives off occasional clouds of low-
risk-to-health glowing dust when in operation! It is particularly
useful for running back issues of Toxic Mag!
Ordering Price - Twelve 12 Gauge shotgun shells
The FriedBits Soft GmbH Scene Euro Route Finder CD-ROM
Welcome to the latest interactive Europe-wide route finder and atlas.
This uniquely takes in the locations of many famous and less famous
scene parties, past and present. It can be filtered to search for a
route and location, according to relevance to a particular scene, such
as PC or Amiga or Commodore 64. The Atari related bits are not
compatible with a native ST or Falcon, although the package as a whole
will run on an emulated ST. A search for the UK revealed the way to get
to Bradford, in 1992, and little else!
Or go to our website www.ataridemopartyfinder.com - Needs Java-enabled
Ordering Price - 40 EUR, or twenty Lost Blubbs
The Lucky Charm of St Niccc - from the Ancient Order of Chronos
I recently found myself bumping headlong into a traditional Dutch token
of luck in Atari coding related ventures. It is wearable, a bracelet
shaped just like an ST News disk-label, but furnished with only the
finest fake gemstones. This charm goes active once every ten years,
usually in the period just before Xmas. The end result is amazingly
good luck for coding parties, with the initials 'S', 'T', 'N', 'I', and
ending in 'C', several times!
An interesting comment from the founder of St Niccc tells you all you
need to know. "I'm amazed it still works for Atari people after all
this time, after all, Bill G. the Antichrist has my nipples chained to
a copy of Word for Windows, for He is my master now..." R.Karsmake..
Erm, an unknown Dutch former scene diskmag person.
Ordering Price - Two bottles of Heavenly Divine Fluid
So you have sad and deficient lives, and feel a real need to order some
of this stuff. Well, stick your pen down here, and give us your credit
card number, and you soon won't have any outstanding monthly balances
to look out for, as we'll have copped the lot! The prices on offer are
a very rough guide only, and we're talking rougher than swallowing a
power-sander, to be brutally blunt here.
Card no _______________________ Expiry Date __/__/__ Visa/Mastercard
All goods supplied will take their own sweet time getting to you, just
like everything else on the scene. What do you think this is? Some
reliable commercial enterprise or something!
Alternatively you can order online at our website on:-
No returns, no guarantees, so tough!
CiH - Alive! Magazine, Jan '01