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Alive 13

clue shop channel!


It's hard to believe people like this exist. Some of them are determined not
to  be helped.  They must have been born and raised in a deep mineshaft  and
only brought out for these shows!

..UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE..

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?


..THE WEAKEST LINK..

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.

Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!

Anne Robinson:  In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers
or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.

Anne Robinson:  The Bible,  the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written
by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?

Anne  Robinson:  Who  was a famous Indian leader,  whose name begins with G,
revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!


..NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET..

Eamonn  Holmes:  What's  the  name of the playwright commonly known  by  the
initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.


..CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL..

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?


..FAMILY FORTUNES..

1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword

2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon

3) Name the capital of France? - F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil

8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock

9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs

11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water

12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse

13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair

14) A famous Royal? - Mail

15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings

16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet

18) Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate

19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on

20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police

21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April

22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing

23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep

24) Something you put on walls? - A roof

25) Something slippery? - A conman

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish

27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam

28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato

29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas

30) Something red? - My sweater


 ..RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN..

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.


 ..STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2..

Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.


 ..THIS MORNING..

Judy Finnegan:  The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera.  True or
false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan:  No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV
show,so I'll give you that.


 ..BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE..

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.


 ..BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC..

Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four


 ..BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW..

Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?


 ..DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO..

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

Collected by CiH, for Alive Mag, April '06..

Alive 13