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Alive 10
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            "I feel like Mini Mag Tonight!  Mini Mag Tonight!!"

 E d i t o r i a l . .

We're  back,  after  a  pause which feels as long as  a  middling  custodial
sentence  at her majesties pleasure,  which is kind of what happened to  the
editorial  staff  of the mini-mag,  errmm.  It might only have seemed like a
casual  nipple  tweak,  but I warned the others that the  authorities  could
still get positive dna samples from it, and of course they take those things
*very* seriously in Islamic countries as well!  But would they listen to me?
would they hell!

Still,  we're back,  even if we're a little unsteady on our feet, and bright
lights,  loud  noises,  and sudden movements caught by our peripheral vision
frighten and disorientate us...

 S c e n e - N e w s . .

Atari Forum BBS stays working..

Amid  scenes of total amazement,  the Atari Forum BBS continued working this
week.  Veteran  Atari  botherer and real-ale fan MUG UK observed "It's  been
days  now  since it started working.  I've been able to login and post,  and
read replies without problems. Whatever happened to the good old Atari Forum
BBS,  which  was  always  offline  due to hacking attacks?!"  There  was  no
official  response  from  the admin team at  Atari-Forum,  but  Requiem  was
overheard  muttering  an apology,  and promising that they would be  offline
without warning again shortly.

Heftig Diary updates..

15.4.05 - Ultra.
"Held Cream meet over the weekend. Very good results all round. I decided to
rework the diary entry  where I go on  about coding the reset part  so it is
eight percent smaller and 1.5 seconds quicker to read.  Agent T will come up
with some  new excuses for delays over the next weeks.  I am motivated to do
more  diary entries,  with new forms of words in them,  but let's see if the
heavy clubbing will take its toll?"

Hugi goes tabloid..

In a move which surprised no-one,  the PeeCee diskmag 'Hugi' has announced a
decision  to go for a populist tabloid press format.  Hugi editor Adok says,
"People,  especially  me,  got  tired of that endless miserable whining that
goes  under the title of 'Scene Philosophy'.  So from the next issue on,  we
decided to drop all of that,  and bring you reams of mindless upbeat trivial
shit  instead!"  We  are  looking forward to the new  disk,  which  will  be
distributed  with  a red top label,  and the new features,  such as the page
three  naked  scener,   which  takes a candid camera eye  view  of  silicon-
enhanced drunken demosceners out on the town.

New compo for Outline '05..

Times change,  and so do priorities.  With increasing maturity,  many people
are  now  caught  up in the whole home ownership deal.  To  take  this  into
account,  the organisers of Outline '05 announce a new competition.  This is
the  'Home  Beautiful 96k' competition.  The challenge being to  design  the
loveliest  kitchen in a file size restricted 96k format!  For extra  points,
this  must  be done without a computer,  which must be hidden  in  cardboard
boxes  for  several  months.  We expect some strong entries  from  pre-compo
favourites Cyclone and Sh3!

 C o m m e r c i a l   N e w s . .

Microsoft  patent  the  "Unngh!"  sound that  people  make,  when  something
destined  for  the  gastro-intestinal tract,  goes into the  lungs  instead.
Microsoft  intend  to  police  this  newly  acquired  intellectual  property
fiercely, so anyone who chokes to death may find their estate being sued for
patent abuse!

Microsoft's attempt to patent the act of 'breathing' was defeated in the  US
Supreme Court yesterday.  However,  their ongoing attempt to make people pay
for fresh air is still ongoing.  STOP PRESS! Microsoft counter-sued by Apple
Corp over making people pay for fresh air case,  "That's our job!" huffed an
aggrieved Apple Corp press officer.

 G a m e    R e v i e w s . .

All formats game charts

1. 'Harry Potter and the stolen burnt-out car..' - Nintendo Warlock.
2. 'Codename Brown Foreskin..' -  Sony Yob, Sinus laptop, Sega Dreamcrust.
3. 'Turbo Bottom-hunt 20th anniversary remix..' - Sinclair ZX95.
4. 'Encarta Encyclopaedia Ritual Killing add-on pack.' - Every bloody thing.
5. 'Chuchu Socket..' - Powergen and compatibles

'Firewall Updater of Doom!' (Polyplay '060)
This is the first new game for the Polyplay Arcade machine,  the former East
German  manifestation  of  1960s technology in a  1980s  setting.  "Firewall
Updater of Doom" is a arse-rending simulation of the average Western  Wintel
PeeCee  user's struggles to keep their system virus and trojan  spyware-free
in  the face of ever increasing attacks.  The game logic seems to be  ripped
wholesale  from  the immortal "Catch the drips in a bucket or  drown"  game.
There  are  minimal  graphical changes,  as buckets are  redrawn  as  system
patches  and  service packs.  But it does accurately convey the  existential
futility, which is the whole point.

Honnecker (Un)Interactive - 17 old style ration coupons.

'Escape from Guantanemo Bay!' (Rumsfeld 500)
So  you've been saving all your money,  to catch the Marrakesh express,  and
wear  flowers in your hair?  Well it was bad luck that you got captured in a
US Special Forces anti-terrorist sweep,  out there in the Sahara Desert. Now
armed only with a purple boilersuit and a shoeful of plastic explosive,  you
have  to  break out of the feared maximum security and  deniability  holding
camp  at  Guantanemo  Bay!  Pick  up razor-sharp  legal  arguments  why  you
shouldn't  be  held there,  and watch the fearsome blundering guards  ignore
them  all!  The  endgame  part  hasn't been written yet,  and won't  be  for

Ministry of Fear Developments - $17 billion

'Jet Set Jahinder' (ZX Thirdworld)
Here's  another  golden oldie,  given a dusting off and corporate  makeover.
Miner  Willy  has  been kicked out of his job,  and this has been  given  to
Jahinder.  He can work much more cheaply, and in worse conditions than Willy
could  ever  manage!  There are some improvements over the  original  Speccy
classic.  You  get many more lives to carelessly squander.  But some classic
bugs,  such as the 'repeated deaths through unsafe working practices' glitch
are happily kept in!  Minutes of life-expectancy for all the family. If they
can walk, they can work!

Transglobal Mining and Entertainment Software Corp - 1.17 Rupees (per hour)

 D e m o   R e v i e w s . .

The Onion Megademo!
(Self-reviewed by solo2)  Hola! This is the greatest demo on Atari ever!  No
more simple dumb screens, but  a  whole lot of them  collected together in a
mega demo. We call this the "Onion" mega demo, after my favourite vegetable!
It has a walk around menu,  and a user controlled sprite called "Kylie".  We
are  looking  forward to  guest screens  from  Deltic Force and the all time
coding legends, The Uncaring Bears! Derivative? Not us!

Music demo special!
The  ST-Connexion modfile/YM replay routine has been brought up to date.  It
now  features in the latest CT60 music demo.  it now replays at 500khz sound
quality  through the previously poor YM chip.  Playback is across  seventeen
audio channels, five of them only audible to Pipistrelle bats and dogs.  All
cpu time is used, apart from some left for the orange indicator bars.

In this issue, we also bring you the YM Rockers debut into CT60 demo making.
Their  rather  aptly  named  "Broot Force"  demo  features  a  simulated  YM
soundchip,  of  128  channels (sixteen of them dedicated white  noise),  3-D
sound  imaging,  and 24-bit square wave sound quality.  Using this fantastic
new  system,  there are some great ziks by all your favourite zik  artistes,
Pongo Snodgrass, Scheme, and Dwayne Dibbley...

'Increase yr sprite pow4r, day upon day increase, or yr $$$ back!'

With  Dr Leonard's miracle sprite booster potion,  increase your self-esteem
and  sexual attraction to the oldschool coding community.  Our easi-pay  low
cost  instalment plan,  at 17.99 per month,  can soon have you incrementally
increasing  your  sprite record attempts,  and annoying the hell out of  the
rest of the scene!

It also makes your penis grow...

Order from

 U t i l i t i e s . .

"File  Brothel" v1.5,  by Chosneck Productions Inc.  The latest in hard disk
file  management software for the heavy internet "specialist" user.  It  can
take the typical male internet user's disorganised adult picture  collection
spread  across  their hard disk,  and place it automatically into  neat  and
logical  easy-to-follow directories.  Typical examples might include folders
for  'Boy/girl',  'girl  on girl',  'girl on labrador cross-breed',  or even
'Michael  Jackson's  day on the beach'.  (Caveat,  this final option can run
only  with  "Nonce  1.3",  and  "Beat me up in prison  v2.0"  service  packs

'5peek and 5pam' - The easy to use tool,  to duplicate the spammer's strange
way  of  talking  to you in email headers.  You too can tell  the  world  of
"vifourgra  for yr penones",  or even learn to talk in a pseudo machine-code
like they do...  "&(*DkLDŁ(!2", as they say in Florida! aNywaY, 1t 4ll l@@ks
a 2ny b1t '7337' 4nd str33t and c00l, so it must rool da house, right?

 C l a s s i f i e d   A d s . .

Thinly  renamed  former pile-em-high-sell-em-cheap outfit wishes to  sell  a
rare  collectible  Atari 'ST-Book' (R@RE!  L@@K!) Asking price is 1500  UKP,
shipping  to  the corner of the street is free,  anywhere further is  extra.
Sensible  offers only please.  We've been severely let down by time-wasters,
aka  'window shoppers' on Ebay previously.  No pointing and laughing please.
Contact Gas(teiner) Computers.. (Oh Bugger!)

 A n n o u n c e m e n t . .

There is no poverty in Africa. The reason that there is no poverty there, is
down  to lots of relatives of rich princes and ex-government  ministers  who
can't  get  their money out of the place.  The net worth of these people  is
estimated  to be $340 trillion,  the 40% of which they are so keen to  share
with  you,  will buy every village in Africa a diamond encrusted clean water
supply  and  goat  feeder.  This  happy state of affairs  would  come  about
tomorrow  if  they were inclined to be more generous to  their  own  people,
rather  than  just emailing random westerners and pleading to them  to  take
this cashload off their hands...

Unless  it's  all just some sad fool of an exchange student,  sitting  in  a
Cybercafe in downtown Rotterdam who's making this stuff up?

 H a r d w a r e . .

We feature the latest development from Apple, the Mac Pico (Very mini!) This
is the smallest home or personal computer ever made! Many years ago, back in
1985,  Steve  Jobs  gave an interview for "Big Pow!" magazine,  in which  he
stated  that his ultimate goal was to get a Macintosh into a  shirt  pocket.
Now with the recent release of the Mac Mini, he has almost got there, albeit
you  will still need a very big shirt pocket.  Now Minimag likes things that
are named after us,  sort of, and we are pleased to take an  exclusive first
look at the next generation even more mini system from Apple,the 'Pico'.

When  Steve Jobs said "A computer for every thumbnail",  he wasn't  joking..
The  Mac  Pico features a scaled down but perfectly  functional  version  of
their  PPC  and MacOS combination.  It has a tiny processor,  an even tinier
hard drive, and a special keyboard which can be worked by tweezers. It's not
as  if  Apple have skimped on their famously good build quality,  as we  are
reliably informed that each Mac Pico is carefully handmade - On the wing  of
a gnat!

It  comes  pre-loaded  with  the world  beating  'iShrink'  and  'iGetaLife'
software,  and  is priced at an amazing 0.30 Eur,  or a candy bar from Lidl.
This unprecedented price breakthrough comes because certain economies to the
basic  design  have  been made.  You will need to add a  monitor,  keyboard,
mouse, cpu, memory, hard drive, and a suitable box to take them all.

The  range of uses that such a compact design can be put to,  outside of the
traditional  home/office  environment,   is  mind-boggling.  Some  dedicated
hardware  modders,  have even set up a micro-minature webcam on a Pico,  and
swallowed  it  whole,  with the live wireless video feed being relayed in  a
fantastic voyage fashion down the digestive tract,  right the way from first
swallow to final excretion!

Truly  the  future of computing Apple style,  is minature,  and accidentally
trodden on..

 P r o b l e m   C o r n e r . .

Ask our Hardware agony aunt Madam Stimpy!

My CT60 keeps tripping out, approximately ten to fifteen minutes after first
switching  on.  I  suspect  an overheating problem between the cpu  and  the
SDdram, what do you think?

Tripping  out  young  man?  Well it's what comes of letting your  CT60  have
access  to  drugs in the first place!  A liberal 'do as you  please'  policy
always backfires. True, the majority grow out of it, but there is a minority
who get truly addicted,  and before you know it,  the CT60 is stealing money
from  your mum's purse to fund its nasty habit.  You'll soon be knee-deep in
EtherNat, revision 6 cpu, and ultimately the hard stuff, like Supervidel!

 F i c t i o n . .

(From the Tymewarped Readme file, the version of tYMewarp that got made in a
parallel universe!)

The YM-Rockerz,  Lotek Style,  Tao,  505,  Crazy Q, Exocet, gwEm, drx, Damo,
Nemo  and  Dma-Sc,  were enjoying one of their rare  meetings  at  a   seedy
cafe  in  Hamburg.  While Lotek Style and  Crazy Q  were busy setting a high
score  on  Sega  Rally,  Tao,  gwEm  and Damo  were  pointedly arguing  over
YM optimisations.

The  sky  outside grew darker and darker as  clouds went across  the  summer
sky,  rain   started  to  fall and  almost simultaneously   the   rumble  of
thunder reverberated through the grim locale.

"Bloody Hamburg weather", cursed gwEm, "its worse than London here..."

But his bitter complaining was cut short by a blinding flash of  electricity
as  lightning  struck  the Sega Rally machine simultaneously  with  Crazy  Q
hitting 88mph.  Lotek Style was thrown from the machine, hair energised into
an  afro  bigger than Bootsy  Collins when he was still  playing  for  James

But  something   had   changed!  The  storm had gone,  the  passers  by  had
different fashions, the furniture in the bar was different,  and  where  the
Sega Rally machine once exisited a strange arcade console loomed.

Slowly,  our  heroes became aware of a small group of strange looking people
cowering in the corner.  The source of their trepidation was standing just a
short  distance away from them,  and drunkenly slashing the empty air with a

"Look,  it's CiH,  Mr Pink,  and some other people we don't know!" exclaimed
Damo. 505 looked thoughtfully at a nearby calender on the wall. "It's Easter
1996!" He muttered, "And if I'm right, these are the guys that came from the
UK  to the Symposium 1996 party!" he added.  "And it's right about now  that
they  had  the run-in with the drunken knifeman in the  Hauptbahnhof  cafe!"
Nemo  helpfully reminded.  Clearly his recollection of events,  described in
the Symposium party report in Maggie 20, was spot on.

At this point, the 1996 Team Atariscene noticed the new arrivals...

"It's MC Laser with a funky afro bigger than Bootsie Collins!" Yelled Tat.

"But I'm Lotek Style!!"

"No, you're definitely MC Laser! So is that afro part of a new image then?"

"Erm no,  the afro is accidental, and we're coming from the future, the year
2005 actually."

The 1996 party chose to believe this frankly unlikely turn of events, and of
course,  they  were bursting with curiousity to find out how the future  had
turned out.

"I'll  bet pc's are still as lame then as they are now!" Kev  "Taff"  Davies
spoke for all the 1996 party. Tao nodded in silent agreement, not wanting to
give  away the fact that for most day-to-day things,  they were now  heavily
dependent on that despised platform.

"How's  the  Centek Phenix doing?" queried Mr Pink.  "Tell us about all  the
cool stuffs that were written for it!"

The 2005 Atarians giggled uncomfortably, and quickly changed the subject.

"We're the YM Rockerz,  we make cool demos for the ST and Falcon,  with some
wicked YM scorching tunes! It's where we're at in 2005!" gwEm declared.

The 1996 party were very surprised by this news. "I imagined that the future
would be bright, and made of 64 channels of sampled sound?!" Taff grumbled.

"Oh but wait 'till you get to try some of our new ziks!" Dma-SC retorted.

The knifeman spoke up,  perhaps a little unhappy at being ignored. "Hey, I'm
German and you're not!" The reply was swiftly forthcoming en-masse. "Oh piss
off,  you  sad  lamer!"  He  sulked  off to  the  cafe  exit,  seeking  more
attentively considerate prey.

"And  what else happened in that time?" asked Arnel.  "We're dying to  know.
Anyone got any lottery numbers?"

gwEm  responded firmly and to the point.  "Well we're not really supposed to
tell you anything.  It could cause all kinds of problems with the timestream
and stuff, hell, we're not supposed to be here! But tell you what, I'll give
you a clue for a really big scary happening that kicks off in a few years."

He grimaced, drew his hand across his throat in a cutting motion and uttered
the fateful words, "NINE-ELEVEN!!"

The 1996 posse looked around blankly..........

**Directors cut!** Alternative ending follows!

gwEm  responded firmly and to the point.  "Well we're not really supposed to
tell you anything.  It could cause all kinds of problems with the timestream
and stuff, hell, we're not supposed to be here! But tell you what, I'll give
you a clue for a really big scary happening that kicks off in a few years."

He grimaced, drew his hand across his throat in a cutting motion and uttered
the fateful words, "PRINCESS DI!!"

The 1996 posse looked around blankly..........

 I n t e r v i e w . .

We  bring  you this exclusive off-the-record chat,  becoming on  the  record
again  which  is naughty of us,  but I think you'll find the  end-result  is
worth it!

We  talk  to Hank Wangstrangler III,  the CEO of  Boybandexploiter  Records,
about  their exciting new range of anti-piracy technologies,  shortly coming
to a marketplace near you, whether you want it or not... Hmmm,

MM  -  "Hank,  I  guess you're pretty concerned about the impact  of  online
piracy on your revenue stream, right?"

H  -  "Concerned  isn't the word for it,  pissed off is!  Those  communistic
freeloading downloading scum are denying me my American birthright of making
money hand over fist for minimal effort!"

MM  - "Your attempt to introduce Texan style legal penalties  for  worldwide
copyright  infringements  failed.  Even  with the presence  of  several  USN
carrier  groups hovering just off the continent of Eurasia,  was there  ever
any  realistic  prospect of their national parliaments being  panicked  into
accepting  proposals  for vigilante knee-cap shooting justice as  a  minimum

H  -  "George Dubya is a good ole' boy,  and he had the muscle in place  and
ready to go.  It's those whiners in Congress who blocked us,  claimed it was
"unconstitutional", whatever the hell that is?"

MM - "So having been thwarted in making favourable situation changes in  the
geopolitical sphere, you turned to technology for an answer?"

H  -  "Yeah,  we developed a new range of anti-piracy techniques,  to  apply
directly to the media itself. Our digital encoding uses a special encrypting
technique that prevents any kind of reproduction from it."

MM  -  "You believe that your system is the most secure on the  market?  How
good is it really?

H - "Well if you try to copy from an audio CD protected with our system, you
will fail totally.  Whether you try to grab tracks digitally,  or even using
old  fashioned  analogue copying techniques to tape,  none of it will  work.
Hell,  we've even got it covered, so that if people listen to it, and try to
freeload  by  'remembering the tune',  all they will hear off the disk is  a
white noise slush!"

MM- "Err, thank you, and good night!"

H  -  "Wait,  don't you want to hear about our "Shut your  gob"  initiative,
where  public  spirited  volunteers take cash payments  from  the  recording
industry  to  have their lips sewn shut,  preventing them from  accidentally
whistling a copyright protected hit tune..." Fades into the distance...

 T r a v e l . .

Why not try this refreshing alternative to the usual run of coding  parties.
Dr gwEm's awesome time travel demo party excursion!

We  all go on a trip,  in our big blue Eurolines bus,  fitted with a laws of
physics defying gizmo.  This was  made from a lightning-damaged  Sega  Rally
arcade machine, and has been successfully tested, according to gwEm!

A time travel trip back to 1945 is planned. This will be a nostagic visit to
Alan Turing's first coding party. Boggle in amazement as he unpacks and sets
up  the newly launched  portable  version  of  the  Colossus computer,  from
several heavy lorries!

Smile  wryly  as he runs out of power sockets.  Stumble over the  inevitable
misunderstanding when he fails to understand that you aren't a nazi spy. And
finally,  watch  the  very  first  wild  competition  when  Alan  shows  off
effortless fancy sineous tape loop scrollers, from behind the window bars of
an authentic period prison cell, shortly before your execution!

 T e h   E n d . .

The fat lady DOESN'T sing! "If she's singing, she's infringing copyright!" A
record company executive declared.

   ,   .
   \ /
____     .#####.    .-- - - -----
    '`. ## ####  .'|  UH OH!
    . | ######### | |  Game over!
    |.' ######### ' |
____'    # ##  # #  `-__________ __
#  #   #  #
#    #   #   #

CiH, for Alive Mag,Various '05..

Alive 10