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Alive 10
Jargon Buster!

                 Collected and (occasionally added to) by CiH..

Oh no,  it's more lists!  How third rate,  cliched, and leeched from the net
can you get?  But wait,  this one is rather good. I've even added one or two
comments of my own to it as well. Now read on.

TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING  -  Sitting around in a group,  discussing why a deadline  was
missed  or  a project failed,  and who was responsible.  (There is also  the
'Fault-Finding Mission',  which is similar to a fact finding tour,  but with
more  emphasis  on  finger-pointing and burning people on top  of  piles  of
brushwood.  Also beware the phrase "I'm not starting a witch-hunt!" to which
the appropriate reaction is "Oh yes you are!")

SEAGULL  MANAGER  - A manager who flies in,  makes a lot of noise,  craps on
everything,  and  then  leaves.  (I've  also  come across the  term  "Golden
Seagull" which is essentially the same as above,  but denotes that person as
a  specially  imported high-flier who cuts and runs before  they  are  found

ASSMOSIS  -  The  process  by  which  people  seem  to  absorb  success  and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to  get  screwed  and die.  (Some days you are the pigeon,  other  days  the

CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE  DOGGING  - When someone yells or drops something loudly in  a  cube
farm,  and  people's  heads pop up over the walls to see that's  going   on.
(This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato..

SITCOMs  -  Single Income,  Two Children,  Oppressive Mortgage.  What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home
with the kids or start a "home  business".

STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
(We all have at least one of these per workplace..)

PERCUSSIVE  MAINTENANCE  -  The  fine art of whacking the  crap  out  of  an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE  - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above  the
rank  and  file.  Decisions  that  fall from the  "adminisphere"  are  often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve.  This  is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia"  needless
paperwork and processes.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND  -  That  minuscule fraction of time in which  you  realise  that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e. g. you've hit 'reply all')

New entries for the Oxford English Dictionary 2005

GOING  FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no  intention  of
buying food,  you're just going to the bog.  If challenged by a pimply staff
member,  your  declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards  is
known as a McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE - One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black
box'.  (A  much  older  term for this is that the "cuffs  and  collar  don't

AUSSIE KISS - Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am in the morning.

BEER  COMPASS  - The invisible device that ensures your  safe  arrival  home
after  booze  cruise,  even  though you're too drunk to remember  where  you
live,how you got here,  and where you've come from.  (Also 'Beer taxi' comes
under the same lexicon.)

BOBFOC - Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. (There is a reverse version
of this too, 'FOBBOC',  Face off Baywatch, Body off Crimewatch.)

BREAKING  THE  SEAL - Your first pee in the pub,  usually after 2  hours  of
drinking.  After  breaking  the seal of your bladder,  repeat visits to  the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

GREYHOUND - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS  -  A  young man of substandard  intelligence,  the  typical
adolescent  who works in a burger restaurant.  The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges  displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often  wear  to
show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra,  i.  e. extremely impressive
when  viewed  from the outside,  but there's actually nought in there  worth

MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!
Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!" like a monkey in full cry.

MYSTERY  BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while  you're
in  the  toilet after your 10th pint,  and whisks away all the  unattractive
people  so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come  back  in.
(Also  this  happens when you start looking at someone  through  beer-tinted

MYSTERY  TAXI  -  The taxi that arrives at your place  on  Saturday  morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-
Pinter in your bed instead.

SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person. (Pie magnet?)

SWAMP-DONKEY - A deeply unattractive woman.

Collected by CiH, for Alive Mag, '05.

Alive 10