Jargon Buster!
Collected and (occasionally added to) by CiH..
Oh no, it's more lists! How third rate, cliched, and leeched from the net
can you get? But wait, this one is rather good. I've even added one or two
comments of my own to it as well. Now read on.
TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. (There is also the
'Fault-Finding Mission', which is similar to a fact finding tour, but with
more emphasis on finger-pointing and burning people on top of piles of
brushwood. Also beware the phrase "I'm not starting a witch-hunt!" to which
the appropriate reaction is "Oh yes you are!")
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves. (I've also come across the term "Golden
Seagull" which is essentially the same as above, but denotes that person as
a specially imported high-flier who cuts and runs before they are found
out.)
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and
advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die. (Some days you are the pigeon, other days the
statue..)
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.
(This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato..
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home
with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
(We all have at least one of these per workplace..)
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the
rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless
paperwork and processes.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e. g. you've hit 'reply all')
New entries for the Oxford English Dictionary 2005
GOING FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of
buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.
AEROPLANE BLONDE - One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black
box'. (A much older term for this is that the "cuffs and collar don't
match"..)
AUSSIE KISS - Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am in the morning.
BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live,how you got here, and where you've come from. (Also 'Beer taxi' comes
under the same lexicon.)
BOBFOC - Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. (There is a reverse version
of this too, 'FOBBOC', Face off Baywatch, Body off Crimewatch.)
BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the
toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
GREYHOUND - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the
badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to
show their level of training.
MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i. e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth
seeing.
MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!
Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!" like a monkey in full cry.
MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're
in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
(Also this happens when you start looking at someone through beer-tinted
glasses..)
MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-
Pinter in your bed instead.
SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person. (Pie magnet?)
SWAMP-DONKEY - A deeply unattractive woman.
Collected by CiH, for Alive Mag, '05.
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